Please Let Children be Children. Please!

Oh my word.  Oh my goodness.  Good grief.     Social media is an amazing and terrifying thing for kids and honestly for parents as well.  I am a member of some Mom's groups on Facebook.  Most of the Mom's are first timers or Mom's that have young children.  My children are not young anymore so we face very different issues.

There is so much pressure put on kids today to perform and excel that we don't let kids be kids anymore.


This morning a post on social media from a Mom really caught my attention.   She had a picture of a valentine that her 4 year old had "signed".  It was scribbled and she seemed stressed about the fact that he couldn't write his name.

Here was her post, 

"My 4 and a half year old son is so frustrating at times! He can't write yet, and gets so lazy when it comes to practicing. This is his name for his valentines. (I wrote his name below) What do I do to help him? He's so smart in other things but I'm afraid he's going to be behind in other things that he should already know."

"It took an hour tears and all to do get these done!"

Some of the responses on her post absolutely blew me away.  Here
 are a few.

"My 5 year old just did 32 cards this evening. His name is Jeremiah, last year he struggled. We made him write his name when he got home from school 10 times before he could do anything and we got work books from target to help him."  The original poster asked if the 5 year old fought her on that and here is her response, "stand your ground. I took away anything he liked until he completed them. He finally learned it was my way or the highway."

Oh my word.  I am honestly speechless about that response....

"My son is 4 and has no interest in coloring, drawing or writing. I'm nervous too."

I'm nervous?  Really?  They are 4 years old.  I am pretty sure at 4, I was not worried about writing.

"Look up handwriting without tears. It's a writing curriculum that starts with putting ones and curves together like a puzzle to make a person and then to make letters. Eventually, kids draw pictures and then letters using lines and curves. There's even a fun song/activity you can do to make "mat man." I'm sure there are lots of ideas on Pinterest and some videos on YouTube"


At least this suggestion sounded like helping them learn to write at a young age could be made to be fun.  Better than the Mom that took away anything her kid liked until he got it right.
"look up Dysgraphia"

OH MY GOSH!  I had to look this up.  Here is the definition.

dys·graph·i·a

disˈɡrafēə/

noun

MEDICINE

1. inability to write coherently, as a symptom of brain disease or damage.
2. 
   

The kid is 4!  What a horrible thing to say to a Mom.  Your 4 year old can't write his name so he probably has brain disease or brain damage?

" I wonder if focusing on 1 letter at a time would help - perhaps he is overwhelmed by all the shapes. Maybe if he just had to do the capital R over and over till he could do it, then add the y... If you show him several letters can he pick out the ones in his name? has (insert kid name) been thru preschool screening yet? Do you see other delays?"  "but has he been evaluated by the school district? It's totally free and may qualify him for extra help before kindergarten... and is separate from preschool"

Evaluated by the school district?  He is 4!!!  (I can't say that enough.  He is 4. He is 4. He is 4>

"Have him practice writing his name 20 times a day."

He is 4.  He is a kid.  Let him be a kid for heaven's sake.

"Have you had him tested for visual processing disorders? Most of you are probably saying..."what the heck is that?!" Often times, we see patients like your son, who are having a very difficult time writing or in an academic setting, but are exceptionally intelligent. Sometimes, this can be a result of poor visual processing skills. Just a thought. If you are interested (Insert Dr. Name and Clinic Name)  offers free Vision Therapy Evaluations."


This woman must work for the clinic?  But again, is this really necessary for a 4 year old? 



Of course there were a number of people that were responding with don't worry about it, it is all normal etc.   But honestly this whole thing upset me at so many levels.

We push our kids harder and harder all the time.  So many parents want Johnny or Susie to be the next child prodigy in school, music, sports, dance or any other activity.  Why are we doing this?  What is the point?   


Here is a great article if you want to read a little more about it.  Let Kids Be Kids  

Children should be playing, be outside, jumping in puddles, building snowmen, creative play, exercise, HAVE FUN!  

How To Survive High School

Ok, I am going to just put it right out there - I hated high school.  I hated all the drama, the cliques, the social issues and so much more.  Now did that mean I did not enjoy myself, no, absolutely not the case.  I had great friends and had a blast but I couldn't wait to be done with the drama and the judgement.  I had a ton of friends but I was not "popular".  Honestly, I didn't want to be popular.  I didn't run in the same circles as the athletes, the dance line, or the cheerleaders.  I was very active in my church and in music.  Band people were called "band geeks".  Need I say more.  A lot of my friends were from church.  My other friends were all 3-6 years older than me.

We won't even talk about middle school/junior high.  Wow kids are MEAN!

Now before you completely scream at me about how I wasted the best years of my life, that is completely untrue.  Or telling me that I am the judgmental person.   Not every popular person was mean, not every band kid was a geek.  I just didn't have time for the social drama regardless of the source.

I learned a lot about people and grew a lot as a person. I was very busy and had a very active social life, and yes I dated people, usually people older than me.

 The most important thing I learned was to be myself, and not let people walk all over you.

I have connected with a number of classmates in my life.  Some of them have changed, some have not.  Many I call friends.

Actually when I selected my college, I did so with the understanding that there were not many people from my high school attending.   At a social event as a Freshman in college I ran into one of the few from my high school.  He came up and introduced himself to me as a complete stranger. Now, understand I graduated with over 800 people so it is possible he may have not known me.  I pretended I didn't know who he was and he asked where I was from.  When I told him Bloomington he honestly sounded surprised and said, "are you kidding, so am I"!  He then proceeded to ask me if I was sure I didn't know him because he was (insert important position) on (insert sports team).  I smiled and said no, I didn't know you.  :)

A couple years later another high school classmate transferred from a two year college.  I got to know him and we become good friends.  He also did not have the time of day for me in high school.  I had matured slightly in a couple of years and overlooked the fact that he was one of "those people" that I really didn't care for in high school.  Our 5 year reunion was coming up and I told him I had no interest in going back to see any of those people.  He proceeded to argue and try to convince me that everyone had grown up and had changed.  He really wanted me to go so he could show me.  I decided at the 11th hour to take a friend and go.  She and I went and guess who wouldn't talk to me?  Yup, you guessed it, the same guy.  Needless to say, our friendship sort of fizzled after that.

I am now watching my children grow up and go through many of the same things that I did.  I am hoping to teach them how to love themselves first and then worry about others.  That may sound backwards but honestly I think it is a necessity.  How can you love and accept others if you don't accept and love yourself?  I see people worrying so much about how many friends they have, how popular they are, what are they wearing.  Just like when we were kids right?

My parents were older and came from a completely different generation than most of my friends' parents.  My Mother was also a stay at home Mom so we only had one income in our house.  They did not see the value in spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothing items.  They had rules, curfews, etc. that were a stricter than most of my friends.  Of course I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I do now.

We are trying to teach our children good values and how to love themselves. It has become more difficult for them than it was for us due to social media. Kids are growing up faster and moving into adult activities so much younger.

 Here are some of my guidelines.

1. God First, Family Second
2. Don't try to please everyone - you will fail
3. Do what you love and never apologize for it
4. A couple of friends you can trust with your life are better than many friends that you can't trust
5. Do not define yourself by your friends or the guy/girl you "date"
6. Be kind, always, to everyone
7. If someone doesn't like you, they don't deserve you
8. You do not need to date someone to feel good
9. When given a secret to keep, keep it
10. Surround yourself with people that have the same core beliefs and values as you

I know that my kids will make a lot of mistakes and sometimes learning on your own is the best way to learn.  That won't stop me from trying to spare them some of the hurt, the pain or the hard lessons that I learned as a kid.  I learned a lot about loving myself and being my own person from my parents.  I only hope to pass some of that knowledge along.

Our children may not like our rules right now, I know they will when they get older.

Why do we do it?  We love them more than life.  Period.