Scale: Slave to? Or Accountable To?

 Weightloss.   Everywhere you turn you see ads for quick and easy weight loss.   Pills, shakes, creams, and even laser therapies.  If you have followed me at all, you know I have struggled with my weight since our daughter got sick the first time.   I know I am repeating myself, but I am a major stress eater.  Knowing and understanding your eating habits and eating triggers is critical to success in weight loss.

Fast forward to this spring.   Gyms had been closed for three plus months.  Our business has been drastically affected by this pandemic as well.  That was a recipe for disaster for me.   Food for comfort, beer and pizza, wine, chips and so much more.   The latest health issue in our home if our son hurting his back over a year ago during off season baseball training.  That is another story, but let's just say, unsupervised weight training with young high school athletes is a REALLY bad idea.  He has struggled a lot and missed a lot of baseball as well.  The masses of tests, emergency room visits and so much more has been stressful to say the least.

We trusted so many people and medical professionals to figure out what was going on with his back.  The answer?   I don't know.  His tests are normal.  We finally turned to a long time friend and person trainer Jason Ivesdal.  Jason is the perennial student and is always studying and learning to better service his clients.   Our son started training with Jason and working on building back his strength and mobility.  Of course then COVID hit.  there was no more training with Jason for over 3 months.  But, this isn't about our son.  I always went along to our son's training sessions with Jason.  Jason and I would chat about a lot of different things during those sessions.

One very emotional day for me, I said to him with tears in my eyes, "I can't be like this anymore, I need your help to lose this weight for good.".   His simple answer, "I will help you."

I will write more about the process later, but right now I want to talk about the scale.   I have been a slave to the scale for many years.   If I had a night of beer and pizza, I would step on the scale the next day.  I would get frustrated that the scale would go up significantly and it would take me days to get back to where I was.  I would get frustrated and say things like, "I won't ever be able to eat normal food again.  Every time I eat normal food I gain weight."  "I'm never going to get to my goal weight."  In the past the scale would make me feel like a failure.  It was not a healthy place for me to be so obsessed with the scale.   

The scale does not always reflect where you are in a weight loss journey.  There are other considerations.  For example:   Are you retaining water?  Do you have food allergies?  Are you working out and building lean muscle mass?   The scale is only one piece of a larger wellness puzzle.

So, I changed my focus.  Now I am excited to step on the scale and don't concern myself with how much it goes down. I am looking at the scale as a tool to help keep me on track.  I am learning what foods and what things make the scale go up slightly.  That way I can adjust my "normal" eating habits to not eat those things as frequently.   I also purchased a new scale.  This one has an app (doesn't everything) associated with it that lets you visually track your progress.  As an accountability tool, I make adjustments if I see the scale go up.  This will help me ultimately from rebounding and gaining the weight back.

My scale was also not accurate.  So many home scales are NOT!  That didn't help my cause.  So I decided to splurge on a new scale.  Withings Body Scale

                     

Who would have ever thought I would be excited about a scale?   This bad boy does all this:

• Tracks BMI & Weight Trends
• Up to 8 Users
• Wi Fi Synchronization
• Daily Weather Report
• Works with Multiple Health Apps
• Has a Baby & Pregnancy Mode (I am way beyond that but great for expectant Mother's!)

The hardest thing for me over the last few years is to remember that I AM Worthy.   This is a struggle for so many women.  I have lost weight and regained it more times than I can count anymore.  I know I have said this before, but it is time for ME.  Time to be healthy.  With all the craziness of this pandemic, it is even more important for people to care for the bodies God gave them.  Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep and have a strong spiritual life.  That will help you stay healthy even through a pandemic!   I will write more about healthy living, but don't fall for quick weight loss scams.  Pills, shakes, etc.  They are not sustainable unless you want to continue purchasing and using those products for the rest of your life?   No gimmicks, no cheats, real food and exercise (full disclosure, I started with shakes, but there is a good reason for that - I only did them for 21 days). 

You are worth it.   I am worth it.  If you need to talk with someone about this, I am always available.

This post contains affiliate links.  If you purchase a product through an affiliate link I make a small commission at no cost to you.  This small commission keeps my husband happy when I spend too much time on things like this.  Thank you for your support!

Pandemic Gardening - Weeds Be Gone!

My Mother had beautiful, well tended gardens.  One of her best friends, Florence also had beautiful gardens on a large gorgeous wooded lot.  I remember as a child, going with my Mother to her home for lunch in the summer.  We would arrive there, walk down the hill to the screened gazebo (this is Minnesota after all and home to killer mosquitos).   I called her Aunt Florence because we spent so much time with them as a family it didn't seem right to call them Mr. and Mrs. Felber.  So they were Aunt Florence and Uncle Harvey.  Yes, I am that old that we called adults Mr. and Mrs. not their first names.  Inevitably, when we would arrive, Aunt Florence would be on her hands and knees at the edge of the garden.  She wore her big floppy hat and was always pulling weeds, digging in the dirt, moving plants to various places in the garden to create her version of beauty.  We always began with a tour of the garden.  The joy and the love Aunt Florence had for those plants was contagious.  She would point out new growth, beautiful blooms and talk about changes she was making to those gardens.

Her table was always impeccable.  Beautiful white floral table cloth and of course a vase of beautiful flowers in the center.   The table was set with beautiful china and all the silverware was placed to appease Miss Manners.  Sandwiches, iced tea with lemon and always a lovely home made pastry for desert.

 We have had the opportunity to do a lot more with our house and our yard this year.   Our neighbors are probably very thankful.  Unfortunately our son was unable to play baseball this summer.  This is probably the first summer in 14 years that we have not spent the majority of the summer on a ball field!

So, our backyard was a DISASTER!

We have a large back bed that has become completely overgrown with grass mostly.   Let me tell you it is A.  Ugly, B.  Hard to mow.  

This year I have taken the time to do much more planting and "playing" in the dirt.  Actually weeding the front beds so that our front yard actually looks decent.

Now on to the backyard.   The first thing we are tackling is that large back bed.   We are a toxic chemical free home as much as possible, so killing weeds safely is a real challenge.

Here is a testimonial from a friend that tried it.

Weed problems? Oh my gosh does this stuff rock!

Do you love our planet? Little changes add up to BIG changes!

Harsh chemicals like Round-Up sprayed on the cracks of the driveway and sidewalks DO make their way into our water supply - where we then ingest them.

Angela ordered this for me the other day and oh my gosh the weeds are just GONE! I believe she sprayed it on straight and 24 hours they were already withered!

I will be taking before and after pictures.   The plan is to spray tonight.   We will then bring in a load (or two) of black dirt.  Nothing like some manual exercise with a shovel and wheelbarrow!

                                                

Here is a link to purchase your own:    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07W9HX3MV/ref=as_sl_pc_qf_sp_asin_til?tag=lhanken-20&linkCode=w00&linkId=4d984cf15d2aa0e59b2fdd1d209ae600&creativeASIN=B07W9HX3MV

During these crazy times, we are always looking for ways to naturally boost our immune system.   Vitamin D has been shown to naturally boost your immunity.  The best way to get Vitamin D naturally is through sunshine!    

Here is a great article on how gardening actually can make you HAPPY.   https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/garden-how-to/soil-fertilizers/antidepressant-microbes-soil.htm

Working in the soil is good for the soul.  You often hear people describe their garden's as their happy place.  Beautiful shades of green, gorgeous blooms of varying colors.  Gardening also is a natural stress reliever.    Being present in the moment while gardening naturally reduces stress and anxiety.  I like to say a prayer, thanking God for his amazing beauty while gardening.  Listen to the birds, the breeze in the trees.  It can be very calming.

I know the summer is almost over, but get out in your yards, dig in the dirt.  Plant some fall plants.  Be joyful in the moment.

Be Observant - Be Present

My parents survived the depression.   My Father was incredibly frugal.   He did very well in his business but he would still haggle over acorn squash prices at a roadside stand.   He would pick up people's trash (long before Bloomington curbside pickup), fix it and either sell it or use it in our home.   He had the funds to buy whatever he wanted, but he was always frugal.

We took a lot of vacations in the car.   We didn't stay at fancy hotels, we stayed at motels (do they even exist anymore?).   I was ecstatic if we stayed at a motel that had a pool.   My oldest brother is 18 years older than I am.  I am the youngest of 4 which means I was basically an only child.   Yes, we took some big trips to Europe (to see my other brother who was stationed in the army in Germany) and to Hawaii years later when I was in high school.     But MANY of our trips were road trips.   Drive to a place, stay in a motel, drive to another place, stay in a motel until you got to your destination.

I had the backseat to myself generally and I was really good at sleeping in the car.   I still have that skill if anyone wonders.   The beauty to me was that I would fall asleep and then wake up and we would almost be there.   I thought car rides were horribly boring.  My Mother would regularly say, "Lori if you sleep the whole car ride you will miss so much!"  I wasn't buying it at the time.

My parents bought a lake home when I was 2.   I grew up at that lake home.   We were at the end of a dirt road.   We didn't have a tv.   We listened to music, we played cards, we did puzzles, we rock hunted, we explored, we fished, we swam, we played yard games, we bird watched, we boated, we grilled, we gardened, we did yard work and every day we would "go for a walk down the road".   I remember those walks usually just with my Mother very fondly.   We would talk, look for agates, watch the birds, she would point out wildflowers.   We had reference books and when we saw particular birds or flowers we would look them up and mark in the books the date and location.  We were present in the moment and always observant of what was around us and the gift of nature that God provided.

             

I learned to be observant.    I learned to listen.   I learned to watch.   Boy, how much did I miss while sleeping on those car trips?  The joy she had in finding and seeing God's creation every day was infectious.   A sense of adventure and discovery was something I cherish now. 

Fast forward to today.   

I now understand my parent's frugality.   It came from experience.   It came from fear.   We have learned to be much better stewards of our money during these trying times.

The world has slowed down.   Time is all relative now.   Our society needed this change of pace.   

Cell phones, and being constantly connected is not good.   Everyday we see people walking by our house, looking at their phones or even talking on their phones with headphones.   Why is everyone afraid of silence?   True silence doesn't exist.   While you are walking you may hear the sound of a trickling creek, or the birds singing.  Even the sound of a chainsaw or a mower brings back memories of my childhood summers.   Open your eyes.   Look at the world and the people around you.   Listen to the beautiful music God provides outside.

Our family has become more connected through this shutdown.   We are going for walks together.  We are playing games.  If I can share a little of the joy my Mother shared with me I will pass along a legacy of beauty and joy.

Did you see how fat she is? - A Look In The Mirror

The other day I looked in the mirror.  It seems like a pretty normal thing to do each day.  Let's face it, you comb your hair, you brush your teeth, usually in front of a mirror.  But do you ever really LOOK in the mirror?  I did.  Then I cried.  I did not recognize the face that looked back at me in the mirror.

This has been the case for a quite a while.  I wrote that paragraph probably 8 months ago.   Fast forward to June 2018.

 I have lots of reasons and lots of excuses.  But the biggest thing is as a parent, I have let my care for everyone else take precedence over the care of myself.  The result, I have put on quite a bit of weight.

Recently a friend overheard someone talking about me and about our daughter.   Over the recent years this person has said many hateful and horrible things about our daughter, but this time her self-hatred (more about this later) turned towards me.

The words,

"Did you see how fat she is?" 

Those words were spoken about me.  They were spoken about me in anger and in hate.  They were spoken by a person that honestly, I guess it doesn't surprise me.  A series of emotions went through my head.  First, I said I didn't care.  Second, I got worried that my family might be embarrassed by the way I look.   Third,  I was REALLY HURT.  Fourth, I got mad.   Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to give this person credit for opening my eyes.   I have known this for a very long time.  ''

Here is a little history.

Two years ago our daughter got very, VERY sick.  She lost 40-45 pounds, I gained it.  There is nothing worse in the world than watching a child suffer.  I would sit on the floor and watch her sleep on the sofa.  She didn't sleep in her bed because she couldn't make it up the stairs.  When she would get up in the morning, I would have to help her up off the sofa because she couldn't get up.

I quit exercising and I turned to food for comfort.   Our daughter got better after a very long battle and a LOT of medical bills.  That process added more stress to our lives.   All was well, I lost some of the weight and then this winter?  She got sick again.  Same thing all over again.  It wasn't as hard this time because we knew what we were dealing with (sort of -but that is another story).   We had trips to the emergency room because she passed out, a ton of tests and we went through it all again.

The point of this story is not about the hate,  not about the sickness, it is about me.  It is about being worthy.   I am a BELOVED CHILD OF GOD.   My family loves and supports me regardless of where I am physically at.   We are not divorced.   We are not separated.   What and who you are is what matters.  So many Mothers out there do not care for themselves.  Does that make me a failure?   ABSOLUTELY NOT!   I am human.   I am flawed.   I sin.   I am forgiven.   I am WORTHY.

Tomorrow I start a new journey for ME.   It is for me first and then for my family.   I want to feel good.  I want to have energy.   I want to drop pounds.  I want to sleep well again.  I want to fit into my closet full of clothes.   I will do these things on my own.  I am not looking for gimmicks or shakes (full of horrible chemicals).  I will do this the old fashioned way.   Will I have setbacks?   Yes.   But they do not define me or my progress.

Back to the words.   They are just words.  They define her.  They do not define me.   I have prayed about this and I am sad that she has so much self-hatred that she feels the need to say something like that about someone that has only supported her and been kind to her over the years.   She is a bully and yes words hurt.   BUT.  I have the power over what those words mean to me.  They mean NOTHING.

I have been reading and praying and know what my path is for the future.   I will care for myself.   I will eat clean (80% of the time).   I will forgive myself.   I will improve myself daily.  This is my decision after a lot of self reflection since hearing those words spoken about me.  Even though the words came from a horrible place.  I am surrounded by LOVE.  My daughter bought me a My Intent bracelet (more about that later).   The words she chose for me?  I AM WORTHY.

Guess who is joining me on this journey?   My lovely daughter.   When I asked her why she said she wanted to support me.

I will be sharing my journey through this blog and appreciate any and all your comments, support and prayers.  This is not going to be easy.  But I have the love of Christ and my family to get me through it.

Tomorrow I start a juice cleanse.   I don't know how long this will go, but one step at a time.  If my story touches you in any way, I would love for you to share it.   I know there are a lot of Mom's out there like me.

YOU TOO ARE WORTHY.   I AM WORTHY.   HATEFUL WORDS DO NOT DEFINE ME OR YOU!

Read the Day 1 update HERE!
Day 2   Here

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

How To Survive High School

Ok, I am going to just put it right out there - I hated high school.  I hated all the drama, the cliques, the social issues and so much more.  Now did that mean I did not enjoy myself, no, absolutely not the case.  I had great friends and had a blast but I couldn't wait to be done with the drama and the judgement.  I had a ton of friends but I was not "popular".  Honestly, I didn't want to be popular.  I didn't run in the same circles as the athletes, the dance line, or the cheerleaders.  I was very active in my church and in music.  Band people were called "band geeks".  Need I say more.  A lot of my friends were from church.  My other friends were all 3-6 years older than me.

We won't even talk about middle school/junior high.  Wow kids are MEAN!

Now before you completely scream at me about how I wasted the best years of my life, that is completely untrue.  Or telling me that I am the judgmental person.   Not every popular person was mean, not every band kid was a geek.  I just didn't have time for the social drama regardless of the source.

I learned a lot about people and grew a lot as a person. I was very busy and had a very active social life, and yes I dated people, usually people older than me.

 The most important thing I learned was to be myself, and not let people walk all over you.

I have connected with a number of classmates in my life.  Some of them have changed, some have not.  Many I call friends.

Actually when I selected my college, I did so with the understanding that there were not many people from my high school attending.   At a social event as a Freshman in college I ran into one of the few from my high school.  He came up and introduced himself to me as a complete stranger. Now, understand I graduated with over 800 people so it is possible he may have not known me.  I pretended I didn't know who he was and he asked where I was from.  When I told him Bloomington he honestly sounded surprised and said, "are you kidding, so am I"!  He then proceeded to ask me if I was sure I didn't know him because he was (insert important position) on (insert sports team).  I smiled and said no, I didn't know you.  :)

A couple years later another high school classmate transferred from a two year college.  I got to know him and we become good friends.  He also did not have the time of day for me in high school.  I had matured slightly in a couple of years and overlooked the fact that he was one of "those people" that I really didn't care for in high school.  Our 5 year reunion was coming up and I told him I had no interest in going back to see any of those people.  He proceeded to argue and try to convince me that everyone had grown up and had changed.  He really wanted me to go so he could show me.  I decided at the 11th hour to take a friend and go.  She and I went and guess who wouldn't talk to me?  Yup, you guessed it, the same guy.  Needless to say, our friendship sort of fizzled after that.

I am now watching my children grow up and go through many of the same things that I did.  I am hoping to teach them how to love themselves first and then worry about others.  That may sound backwards but honestly I think it is a necessity.  How can you love and accept others if you don't accept and love yourself?  I see people worrying so much about how many friends they have, how popular they are, what are they wearing.  Just like when we were kids right?

My parents were older and came from a completely different generation than most of my friends' parents.  My Mother was also a stay at home Mom so we only had one income in our house.  They did not see the value in spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothing items.  They had rules, curfews, etc. that were a stricter than most of my friends.  Of course I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I do now.

We are trying to teach our children good values and how to love themselves. It has become more difficult for them than it was for us due to social media. Kids are growing up faster and moving into adult activities so much younger.

 Here are some of my guidelines.

1. God First, Family Second
2. Don't try to please everyone - you will fail
3. Do what you love and never apologize for it
4. A couple of friends you can trust with your life are better than many friends that you can't trust
5. Do not define yourself by your friends or the guy/girl you "date"
6. Be kind, always, to everyone
7. If someone doesn't like you, they don't deserve you
8. You do not need to date someone to feel good
9. When given a secret to keep, keep it
10. Surround yourself with people that have the same core beliefs and values as you

I know that my kids will make a lot of mistakes and sometimes learning on your own is the best way to learn.  That won't stop me from trying to spare them some of the hurt, the pain or the hard lessons that I learned as a kid.  I learned a lot about loving myself and being my own person from my parents.  I only hope to pass some of that knowledge along.

Our children may not like our rules right now, I know they will when they get older.

Why do we do it?  We love them more than life.  Period.

Life is Too Short - My Heart is Broken

This is not going to be long.  This is not going to be eloquent.   Life is too short for so many things.  I have been reading a book about letting go and letting God help you become the person He meant you to be.  God wants us to be happy.  God wants us to be content and fulfilled.  But we have to get out of his way and let him.  But I stray from my original thoughts.

As I was unpacking from a weekend with the youth from church (more about that later) I came across some pictures.  I have watched 3 people I love become estranged from each other.
So much has changed for them in the last year.  It breaks my heart.  Why are they estranged?  I honestly don't know.   I know some things changed, but the people didn't change.  They didn't change who they were, what they believed.  Was I wrong?  Did I misunderstand their hearts?  All I see now is:

• Jealousy
• Anger
• Resentment
• Bitterness
• Hatefulness
• Judgment 

I want to fix things.  I want to mediate.  I want to make it the way it was.  I can't.

I have only heard one side of the story, but I heard that from multiple people.  Hateful things were said about one of the three.  No one seems to know why.  We all know what circumstances changed, but why did their relationship have to change?  Why would someone that said they loved another suddenly say mean things about them?

Why do we hate?  Why are we angry?  We do we treat people badly?