Scale: Slave to? Or Accountable To?

 Weightloss.   Everywhere you turn you see ads for quick and easy weight loss.   Pills, shakes, creams, and even laser therapies.  If you have followed me at all, you know I have struggled with my weight since our daughter got sick the first time.   I know I am repeating myself, but I am a major stress eater.  Knowing and understanding your eating habits and eating triggers is critical to success in weight loss.

Fast forward to this spring.   Gyms had been closed for three plus months.  Our business has been drastically affected by this pandemic as well.  That was a recipe for disaster for me.   Food for comfort, beer and pizza, wine, chips and so much more.   The latest health issue in our home if our son hurting his back over a year ago during off season baseball training.  That is another story, but let's just say, unsupervised weight training with young high school athletes is a REALLY bad idea.  He has struggled a lot and missed a lot of baseball as well.  The masses of tests, emergency room visits and so much more has been stressful to say the least.

We trusted so many people and medical professionals to figure out what was going on with his back.  The answer?   I don't know.  His tests are normal.  We finally turned to a long time friend and person trainer Jason Ivesdal.  Jason is the perennial student and is always studying and learning to better service his clients.   Our son started training with Jason and working on building back his strength and mobility.  Of course then COVID hit.  there was no more training with Jason for over 3 months.  But, this isn't about our son.  I always went along to our son's training sessions with Jason.  Jason and I would chat about a lot of different things during those sessions.

One very emotional day for me, I said to him with tears in my eyes, "I can't be like this anymore, I need your help to lose this weight for good.".   His simple answer, "I will help you."

I will write more about the process later, but right now I want to talk about the scale.   I have been a slave to the scale for many years.   If I had a night of beer and pizza, I would step on the scale the next day.  I would get frustrated that the scale would go up significantly and it would take me days to get back to where I was.  I would get frustrated and say things like, "I won't ever be able to eat normal food again.  Every time I eat normal food I gain weight."  "I'm never going to get to my goal weight."  In the past the scale would make me feel like a failure.  It was not a healthy place for me to be so obsessed with the scale.   

The scale does not always reflect where you are in a weight loss journey.  There are other considerations.  For example:   Are you retaining water?  Do you have food allergies?  Are you working out and building lean muscle mass?   The scale is only one piece of a larger wellness puzzle.

So, I changed my focus.  Now I am excited to step on the scale and don't concern myself with how much it goes down. I am looking at the scale as a tool to help keep me on track.  I am learning what foods and what things make the scale go up slightly.  That way I can adjust my "normal" eating habits to not eat those things as frequently.   I also purchased a new scale.  This one has an app (doesn't everything) associated with it that lets you visually track your progress.  As an accountability tool, I make adjustments if I see the scale go up.  This will help me ultimately from rebounding and gaining the weight back.

My scale was also not accurate.  So many home scales are NOT!  That didn't help my cause.  So I decided to splurge on a new scale.  Withings Body Scale

                     

Who would have ever thought I would be excited about a scale?   This bad boy does all this:

• Tracks BMI & Weight Trends
• Up to 8 Users
• Wi Fi Synchronization
• Daily Weather Report
• Works with Multiple Health Apps
• Has a Baby & Pregnancy Mode (I am way beyond that but great for expectant Mother's!)

The hardest thing for me over the last few years is to remember that I AM Worthy.   This is a struggle for so many women.  I have lost weight and regained it more times than I can count anymore.  I know I have said this before, but it is time for ME.  Time to be healthy.  With all the craziness of this pandemic, it is even more important for people to care for the bodies God gave them.  Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep and have a strong spiritual life.  That will help you stay healthy even through a pandemic!   I will write more about healthy living, but don't fall for quick weight loss scams.  Pills, shakes, etc.  They are not sustainable unless you want to continue purchasing and using those products for the rest of your life?   No gimmicks, no cheats, real food and exercise (full disclosure, I started with shakes, but there is a good reason for that - I only did them for 21 days). 

You are worth it.   I am worth it.  If you need to talk with someone about this, I am always available.

This post contains affiliate links.  If you purchase a product through an affiliate link I make a small commission at no cost to you.  This small commission keeps my husband happy when I spend too much time on things like this.  Thank you for your support!

Day 5 - Sweat Like a Pig!

Sweat like a pig.  What does that really mean?   Do pigs really sweat?   I don't know but I sure did.

Day 5 and I am ready to go!   Yesterday was REALLY HARD.   I just wanted to eat.  I was major crabby and hungry and just downright miserable.    David was amazing and kept me focused.   I changed my language to positive language and I made it through the day!

I am battling this rash which could be a small infection or a little detox going on not sure.   We had a pretty stressful day at work.   It would have been very easy to go home and eat something.  Food has been my comfort.   NOT ANYMORE!   My plan to remove stress was to go ride my bike.   It rained.   It seemed like everything was working against me.   But, the positive language and the affirmations (and my family support system) saved me.

Instead of the exercise, I took a long infrared sauna last night.  I will write more about the benefits of that later.   I didn't think I had that much to sweat out.  I was wrong.   Holy cow.  But it felt great.   The sauna will also help to remove toxins.

So this week, was not stellar for exercise.   I got two workouts in.   I want to be moving.   I am giving myself grace since this was the first week juicing.   We are going to the gym this afternoon and plan on going again in the morning.

Improvements

The scale has actually moved quite a bit.  I am not going to share any numbers yet, because I want to measure and not just base it on the scale.  Stay tuned on Sunday or Monday for the first week's progress.

More Energy.   I do not get sleepy between 2 and 3.   Oh the power of fruits and vegetables!

Sleeping Better.   I feel more rested when I wake up in the morning.

Night Sweats - Virtually GONE!

Mind - I really feel more clarity.   It is hard to quantify, but I am not fuzzy headed.

Plans for Next Week

Next week is a bit tricky as we are going to Chicago for a baseball tournament.  As much as I don't want to, I am going to have to take a break while we are gone.  Trust me I am not going to go crazy and resort back to pizza and beer.   Maybe a couple of you can check in on me to hold me accountable.   I am not sure what my plan is going on the road, I just know I need to have one!  Any ideas on a plan, let me hear them!

A little humor for Friday.   Do you work out at home?   Check out this little video for a couple chuckles.

Home Work Out Fails

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

Do You Love Yourself? I Didn't. - Day 3

If you read my first post, you know that I have known I needed to clean up my diet and get rid of some extra fat I have been carrying around for a while.   What made me decide to finally take the plunge and get started?   It wasn't just one thing.   It wasn't just the horrible words that were spoken about me.   It has been a series of events over a number of months.

One of those eye opening moments was when I was doing an online affirmation.  When I started the affirmation, it told me to have my phone ready and to go to the camera.  I really didn't know what that meant or what I was in for. 

Let's talk about affirmations for a minute.   I have been learning and studying the affects of positive language and mindset on the brain and on your life.   It is really incredible how it all works and the benefits of having a positive attitude.

We have already talked about the benefits of starting your day with writing in a gratitude journal.   I will talk more about that in another post and the amazing health benefits that come through gratitude and meditation.    Yikes.   I have so much I want to share with you.   Look squirrel. 

Back to those affirmations and the wonderful woman that wanted me to have my camera ready.   It was an entire affirmation about loving yourself.   I went through the paces, listened to all the things she said and even said the mantras along with her.   I don't think my heart was in it.  At the end?  She said turn your camera on and flip it towards yourself.  Her instructions:

Look yourself in the eye and say, 'I Am Worthy Of Love'.

I COULDN'T DO IT.   I could not tell myself I was worthy of love.   What an eye opening experience.   I cried.  I seriously cried.   Clearly something is going on with me right?  Everyone is worthy of love.  I did a lot of praying, a lot of reading and meditating.   Of course, my feelings became true when that wonderful person said about me, "Did You See How Fat She Is?".   You can read about those fateful words HERE.  I told my family about this and my daughter gave me this...

This week as I started the next phase of my wellness journey, I am not focusing just on getting rid of some of the extra fat I am carrying on my God given body.  I am also focusing on my spiritual and mental wellness.   I believe one of the reasons I have not been able to lose the weight and keep it off is because I didn't think I was worthy of love.

I am going to say that again.   This is important! 

ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF IS BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK I WAS WORTHY OF LOVE.

Fast forward to today.   I am on Day 4 of a Juice Cleanse.  But I am also cleansing my mind and my spirit.  I am doing an essential oil protocol twice a day.   We already know I am starting each day with a devotion and a gratitude journal. 

My current affirmation?   I AM WORTHY OF LOVE, I AM STRONG AND LEAD AN ABUNDANT LIFE.

This morning when I did my oil regimen and said my affirmation out loud multiple times, I was able to look at myself in the mirror and without thinking about it....   I SMILED.  It was not forced.   It just happened.   I smiled at myself when I said I Am Worthy Of Love.

I get the chills just typing this.  Remember three months ago, I could not even say it!  Literally my throat closed up and I could not make myself say the words.   It was the strangest thing to experience.

I know this is a huge win for me on my journey.   I have a small group where I have done some guided meditations with them on Facebook.  I am going to start that group up again.  If you want an invite, let me know!

Have you had any moments like this?  AHA moments?   Send me a message or comment here!  I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Cleanse Update

No night sweats at all last night!  Energy levels seem to be improving.  Hunger pains have minimized.   Scale has moved quite a bit, but I am not focusing on the scale.  I know the first bits of weight loss will be primarily water weight.

Exercise Update

We did go to the gym yesterday afternoon and I did 55 minutes on the recumbent bike.   After we got home, Elsie asked if I wanted to go on a bike ride.  Time with teen children is precious so I said yes.  We went for an hour ride.   I may regret that later.  But I am moving and burning calories.

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

I Had a Hunch - Day One Is In The Books - Day 2 Juice Cleanse

Holy cow.   I had a hunch that many other people, especially Moms, might be in the same boat as I am.   I HAD NO IDEA.   The outpouring from everyone, friends, family, and even strangers is AMAZING.  I have been told numerous stories from people that are fighting the same battles.   Long time weight issues, gaining weight after the death of a loved one and so much more.

I published my first post about this journey Sunday night about 8:00 p.m. Central Standard Time.   As of noon Monday my post had over 1500 views.  This morning, the views are almost 1800!

Let's just think about that for moment.   In my small circle of influence almost 1800 people read my post.   Now, I would love to think that it was my amazing writing capabilities, my fabulous wit and wisdom, but I highly doubt it.

What it says to me, is that many people have similar issues!  What I know is that every person has what it takes inside them to do something about it.

So, what do I do with that information?   I am not completely sure yet.   I can tell you it has my  mind spinning.   I said to David, my husband, what if I could help even 1% of those 1800?  What if we could create community and do this together.  What if we could do it without all the hype, products, etc?   How AMAZING would that be?  What if we could make the world a little bit better place for people?

Cleanse Update

I took all my measurements yesterday and scale weight.   I will share my progress at the end of the 10 days in pounds and inches lost.   I do not have the ability to do body fat analysis and it is just a number to me.   If I feel good, that is enough for me.

Elsie had a pretty bad headache and slept a lot last night.  She woke up again this morning with a headache.   I will write more about this tomorrow.   I truly believe this is a sugar detox for her.  She doesn't eat a lot of sugar due to her intestinal issues, but before we started the cleanse she had quite a bit.

Yesterday afternoon, between 3 and 4, I just wanted to sleep.   Tiny headache but not a big one.   I know I did not drink enough water yesterday.  I was hungry, but it was not unbearable.

Improvements

I am post menopausal, but I still suffer from night sweats.   I believe the night sweats are more a function of toxins in my body and the extra weight I am carrying.  Last night's night sweats were VERY minimal and I really felt that I slept better and felt more rested this morning.

Self Discovery!

I made egg rolls for David for dinner last night and I learned something about myself.  I eat because it is there, not because I am hungry.   When I get home from work, I would usually eat something.   That something would most likely NOT have been fruits or veggies.   Also while cooking, I tend to munch on what I am preparing.  These are good things for me to learn, because it is about habits and making the habits healthy not destructive.

Exercise

I have not yet resumed my exercise routine.   I do have my workout clothes here at the office with me this morning and we are going to the gym this afternoon.

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

Did you see how fat she is? - A Look In The Mirror

The other day I looked in the mirror.  It seems like a pretty normal thing to do each day.  Let's face it, you comb your hair, you brush your teeth, usually in front of a mirror.  But do you ever really LOOK in the mirror?  I did.  Then I cried.  I did not recognize the face that looked back at me in the mirror.

This has been the case for a quite a while.  I wrote that paragraph probably 8 months ago.   Fast forward to June 2018.

 I have lots of reasons and lots of excuses.  But the biggest thing is as a parent, I have let my care for everyone else take precedence over the care of myself.  The result, I have put on quite a bit of weight.

Recently a friend overheard someone talking about me and about our daughter.   Over the recent years this person has said many hateful and horrible things about our daughter, but this time her self-hatred (more about this later) turned towards me.

The words,

"Did you see how fat she is?" 

Those words were spoken about me.  They were spoken about me in anger and in hate.  They were spoken by a person that honestly, I guess it doesn't surprise me.  A series of emotions went through my head.  First, I said I didn't care.  Second, I got worried that my family might be embarrassed by the way I look.   Third,  I was REALLY HURT.  Fourth, I got mad.   Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to give this person credit for opening my eyes.   I have known this for a very long time.  ''

Here is a little history.

Two years ago our daughter got very, VERY sick.  She lost 40-45 pounds, I gained it.  There is nothing worse in the world than watching a child suffer.  I would sit on the floor and watch her sleep on the sofa.  She didn't sleep in her bed because she couldn't make it up the stairs.  When she would get up in the morning, I would have to help her up off the sofa because she couldn't get up.

I quit exercising and I turned to food for comfort.   Our daughter got better after a very long battle and a LOT of medical bills.  That process added more stress to our lives.   All was well, I lost some of the weight and then this winter?  She got sick again.  Same thing all over again.  It wasn't as hard this time because we knew what we were dealing with (sort of -but that is another story).   We had trips to the emergency room because she passed out, a ton of tests and we went through it all again.

The point of this story is not about the hate,  not about the sickness, it is about me.  It is about being worthy.   I am a BELOVED CHILD OF GOD.   My family loves and supports me regardless of where I am physically at.   We are not divorced.   We are not separated.   What and who you are is what matters.  So many Mothers out there do not care for themselves.  Does that make me a failure?   ABSOLUTELY NOT!   I am human.   I am flawed.   I sin.   I am forgiven.   I am WORTHY.

Tomorrow I start a new journey for ME.   It is for me first and then for my family.   I want to feel good.  I want to have energy.   I want to drop pounds.  I want to sleep well again.  I want to fit into my closet full of clothes.   I will do these things on my own.  I am not looking for gimmicks or shakes (full of horrible chemicals).  I will do this the old fashioned way.   Will I have setbacks?   Yes.   But they do not define me or my progress.

Back to the words.   They are just words.  They define her.  They do not define me.   I have prayed about this and I am sad that she has so much self-hatred that she feels the need to say something like that about someone that has only supported her and been kind to her over the years.   She is a bully and yes words hurt.   BUT.  I have the power over what those words mean to me.  They mean NOTHING.

I have been reading and praying and know what my path is for the future.   I will care for myself.   I will eat clean (80% of the time).   I will forgive myself.   I will improve myself daily.  This is my decision after a lot of self reflection since hearing those words spoken about me.  Even though the words came from a horrible place.  I am surrounded by LOVE.  My daughter bought me a My Intent bracelet (more about that later).   The words she chose for me?  I AM WORTHY.

Guess who is joining me on this journey?   My lovely daughter.   When I asked her why she said she wanted to support me.

I will be sharing my journey through this blog and appreciate any and all your comments, support and prayers.  This is not going to be easy.  But I have the love of Christ and my family to get me through it.

Tomorrow I start a juice cleanse.   I don't know how long this will go, but one step at a time.  If my story touches you in any way, I would love for you to share it.   I know there are a lot of Mom's out there like me.

YOU TOO ARE WORTHY.   I AM WORTHY.   HATEFUL WORDS DO NOT DEFINE ME OR YOU!

Read the Day 1 update HERE!
Day 2   Here

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

Master Cleanse - Day 3 & 4 - HOLY CRAP

Day 3

Really, really, really, feeling weird.  I tried to have a rational conversation with my teenage daughter in the morning.  That is a bit of an oxymoron in it's own right.  Let's just say it did not go well.  At all.  Actually it was horrible.  We both ended up yelling and I started crying and seriously could not stop!!!!!  All day long I was weepy.  I walked out on my choir kids at church on Wednesday night.  I found I was really missing my Mom.  When the Pastor (a long time friend) at church gave me a hug I just about lost it.  When the girls I had walked out on in choir came up to join the confirmation band I hugged them and got all teary eyed.  I am sure there were more.  I WAS A MESS!

I reached out to Isa in my Young Living family.  She has done this cleanse before.  I asked her if this was normal.  Normal is not usually a word that I would use to describe myself but I felt completely out of control.  She explained to me that we carry a lot of our emotional baggage in our liver and that the Master Cleanse was detoxifying your liver!  So all those emotions were being released.  She suggested some great emotional essential oils and a baking soda/epsom salt bath.  I used some Joy, Frankincense and Believe.  I felt better almost immediately.  Of course that wasn't until we got home at about 10:00 p.m. that night.  What a day!

I took the laxative tea late morning and of course it hit, while I was driving my son home.  Really wasn't sure I was going to make it but I did!

While we were at our son's baseball game I had a huge realization.  I said to my husband, "I'm hungry" then I said, "no I'm not hungry, I just WANT  food".  Wow - I said.  I eat, not because I am hungry, but because... because why?  Why do I eat?  Emotional satisfaction, boredom, stress, frustration.  Oh yeah - all those reasons.  None of those are the right reasons!  What a mental breakthrough for me.

Ask yourself, what is your relationship with food.  I have in previous journey's identified my bewitching hour.  This is the period right after I get home from school with the kids.  Usually about 3:30 p.m.  I almost binge eat during that time. Am I really hungry?  Probably not, there is some trigger, an emotional release that the work day is mostly over?  I don't know.  But identifying those triggers have been key for me learning more about my relationship with food.

For some reason yesterday while I was driving, I noticed the skin on my hands.  The top of my hands were wrinkled and I felt like they belonged to a 100 year old.  I have very long fingers and always thought I had beautiful hands.  I was kind of sad to notice the signs of aging in my hands.  How is that for a random thought and observation.  See below for more on this.

Day 4

Oh my....

I woke up this morning and felt absolutely horrible.  Beyond horrible.  I was clammy, nauseous, and shaky.  Of course my family started on the, "you need to eat today", "this diet isn't healthy" routine.  I made a lemonade and drank it on the way to school.  I started feeling better almost immediately.

As I was thinking through the chaos that was yesterday.  I believe I only had 3 cups of the lemonade.  I am sure my blood sugar was way way way way out of whack and that is why I felt so horrible.

I pinged Isa (what a lifesaver she has been through this process). She agreed I needed to drink more and I needed to do a "salt flush".  Here is my recommendation if you decide to try the salt flush in your journey.  DON'T BE FAR FROM THE BATHROOM.  Holy crap!  Literally - Holy Crap.  I have never gone to the bathroom so much.  Of course, I guess, that is what you are supposed to do.  That is a good thing.  You are cleaning everything out.

 I was just about ready to move a table in the bathroom and just work in there.  Seriously crazy stuff.

While at work today, an employee said to me that she thought my skin looked brighter and clearer.  I hadn't noticed but I looked at my hands.  Seriously - they looked better!  Cleaning out your systems, ingesting a lot of clean water all seem to be making a difference.  I actually read a review from someone that thought that their eyes looked bluer when they had completed the 10 days.

Drinking my tea, hoping to sleep through the night.  Stay tuned.

Master Cleanse Days 1 & 2 - True Confessions

I AM BACK!  Did you miss me?

A little background.  I completed my 30 day challenge a while back and felt pretty good.  I was going to continue on with some exercise classes.  I went to two of them and tweaked my back.  Actually did a number on it.  I could barely walk and could not get up and down from a chair.  I should point out, that I am not a young chicken, but you are never too late to start a more healthy lifestyle.  Period.  Next month I will be 54 years young.

I lost 3 weeks of exercise and 3 of the 5 weeks I had paid for.  Ouch - that hurt.  Of course along with that, my eating habits went out the window or maybe I should say they went to restaurants and non-healthy food.  I was eating so much garbage, I felt sluggish, I wasn't sleeping and of course I gained some (not all) of the weight back that I lost.  I felt gross.

I study and read a lot about essential oils because of my use of Young Living oils.  I am always reading and educating myself on their benefits.  I heard about a program called Master Cleanse.  Master Cleanse is a lemonade diet (more details to follow).  I am supporting some systems with essential oils too.  I have done some 3 day juice cleanses in the past and they are pretty easy.  But I sure wasn't sure about this lemonade diet.

I will tell you my protocol, but honestly if you are considering doing this, you really need to get the book, read it and follow it!

If you are interested in the book here is a link to it on Amazon.  I have it on my Kindle.  http://www.amazon.com/Master-Cleanser-Stanley-Burroughs/dp/1607966077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431025882&sr=8-1&keywords=master+cleanse  It was all of $3.99 for my Kindle.

If you are uncomfortable or squeamish reading about someone's bodily functions and elimination processes, don't read any further.  The master cleanse is all about detoxifying and cleaning things out!

Protocol

Drink 6-12 cups per day (please read the book and don't just follow what I did)

• 2 Tbps fresh squeezed organic lemon juice
• 2 Tbps Grade B Maple Syrup (honestly I don't know why the grade B - the book lists many options)
• 1/4 tsp Cayenne Pepper
• Distilled or Spring Water

Laxative tea - I used Smooth Move Chocolate 1-2 times per day.

Water and herbal tea - DRINK LOTS!  Be sure it is spring or distilled water.  Of course if you are putting oils in your water, use glass!

This is my new favorite water bottle made from recycled glass.

I got mine at Lakewinds.

The first two days were pretty non eventful.  Everyone can survive 2 days of liquid diet.  Things start to get interesting day 3 - so stay tuned.

Day 1

The taste of the lemonade is actually refreshing.  I didn't have cayenne pepper so I used chili powder in the first drink.  I really did not feel that hungry throughout the day.    I have read differing opinions on the water, some say, not hot and others say warm.  I have been using room temperature water.  As recommended by the plan I drank a laxative tea at night.   When I went to bed that night, my stomach was really gurgling.  Oh yeah big time.  About 3 a.m. I was awake and made the mad dash to the bathroom.  Let's just say that the tea worked.

I supplemented with Grapefruit oil rubbed on my abdomen.  Peppermint oil on my abdomen when my stomach was gurgling and Endoflex on my thyroid.  I added grapefruit oil to my water.  Now before someone gets on the "you shouldn't ingest oils" bandwagon.  Let me just say it is a personal choice and it is MY choice.  Nothing you say will convince me that Young Living oils are not safe for ingestion.  I know they are.  Check out www.seedtoseal.com for more information on Young Living quality.  I will be getting my Ocotea this week in my oils shipment and will add that to the routine.

I did have a bit of a headache today.  May have been some withdrawal from all the crap I have been consuming!  A little Peppermint oil and M-Grain oil did the trick.  Poof - headache gone!

Of course I dropped some water weight.  I have read a couple of places that this plan may (there is nothing scientific here folks) actually shrink fat cells in your body.  This is not so much about losing weight as it is about cleaning things up!

I do have to say though at the end of day 1 my stomach felt smaller.  That is a bonus.

Day 2

Again, not really that hungry.  I didn't want to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom so I skipped the tea.  You will find out in the next post that was a mistake.  I am really surprised my energy levels seem good.  I am not terribly tired.

Stay tuned tonight or tomorrow morning for day 3 & 4!