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Friday, March 10, 2017

Raising Emotionally Strong Kids

Part of Whole Health is emotional health. As a parent, it is much easier to sooth bumps and bruises than to sooth matters of the heart.

Our daughter, is strong, smart, independent, beautiful, talented and so many other things.  Of course I am not biased at all.  There is nothing worse than to watch your children hurt. Trying to teach your children resilience and emotional strength is a crap shoot at best.  I guess honestly it is often hard for adults to navigate the road of relationships so how are we expected to teach our children to do it?

There are so many times that our children seem wise beyond their years.  This is one of them.  I found this letter that our daughter wrote a few years ago in 2014-2015.  It is so wise and mature I thought it was worth repeating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone asked me if I knew you, a million memories flashed through my mind, I just smiled and said, "I used to."  Some would say it is your loss, but it is mine.  I'm so sorry that I couldn't make you stay.  I'm so sorry that I'm just not enough.  I could see you getting really close with other people and I could feel myself becoming less important.  My heart got this deep ache and soon everything just hurt.  Now you may call this jealousy and you very well may be right.  But I call it fear of losing you.

It will happen like this.
 1.  The conversations go from 3 hours to 1
2. The way we look at each other goes from "how could I live without you" to "you're my friend".
3. Then, the conversations go from 1 to none
4.  You won't even need to look at me anymore
5.  And that will be it.  I'll no longer be part of your life.
6. And that will be that.

It was really amazing, we were two strangers and we became the best of friends, but it was really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.  When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life.  How you used to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them.

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe 
This could be the end
It looks as if you're letting go
And if it is real
Well I don't want to know
Because losing a friend is more painful than losing a romantic relationship

Sometimes I get this urge to talk to you, then I remember that we're different people now.  It is just sad because I miss you a lot.  We parted ways not because we fought or ceased to be friends.  We simply got older and this just meant we had more responsibilities to attend to.  Everything is changing now, people are forgetting who they are.  Everyone wants to fit in and when they finally get the chance to, they leave behind the people they care about for the people that don't care about them.  It is supposed to be about quality not quantity.  Unfortunately that has never been the case for me.  I've had many "best friends" through the years.  The one problem with these friendships?  They didn't last.  I want you to know that I'm holding on to the memories, the laughter, the pictures, to every precious moment with you, like the left behind color in the sky when the sun is gone.  I'm so sorry I tired so hard to be worth your time, to be funny and smart and pretty and deserving of your love but despite every attempt I'm still not enough.  I'm not sure which is worse, missing you, or knowing there is nothing I can do about it.  

I learn every day from my children.  I hope I am doing right by them.  Stand by your friends.  Stay in touch.  Don't let things come between you.  Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold.