Please Let Children be Children. Please!

Oh my word.  Oh my goodness.  Good grief.     Social media is an amazing and terrifying thing for kids and honestly for parents as well.  I am a member of some Mom's groups on Facebook.  Most of the Mom's are first timers or Mom's that have young children.  My children are not young anymore so we face very different issues.

There is so much pressure put on kids today to perform and excel that we don't let kids be kids anymore.


This morning a post on social media from a Mom really caught my attention.   She had a picture of a valentine that her 4 year old had "signed".  It was scribbled and she seemed stressed about the fact that he couldn't write his name.

Here was her post, 

"My 4 and a half year old son is so frustrating at times! He can't write yet, and gets so lazy when it comes to practicing. This is his name for his valentines. (I wrote his name below) What do I do to help him? He's so smart in other things but I'm afraid he's going to be behind in other things that he should already know."

"It took an hour tears and all to do get these done!"

Some of the responses on her post absolutely blew me away.  Here
 are a few.

"My 5 year old just did 32 cards this evening. His name is Jeremiah, last year he struggled. We made him write his name when he got home from school 10 times before he could do anything and we got work books from target to help him."  The original poster asked if the 5 year old fought her on that and here is her response, "stand your ground. I took away anything he liked until he completed them. He finally learned it was my way or the highway."

Oh my word.  I am honestly speechless about that response....

"My son is 4 and has no interest in coloring, drawing or writing. I'm nervous too."

I'm nervous?  Really?  They are 4 years old.  I am pretty sure at 4, I was not worried about writing.

"Look up handwriting without tears. It's a writing curriculum that starts with putting ones and curves together like a puzzle to make a person and then to make letters. Eventually, kids draw pictures and then letters using lines and curves. There's even a fun song/activity you can do to make "mat man." I'm sure there are lots of ideas on Pinterest and some videos on YouTube"


At least this suggestion sounded like helping them learn to write at a young age could be made to be fun.  Better than the Mom that took away anything her kid liked until he got it right.
"look up Dysgraphia"

OH MY GOSH!  I had to look this up.  Here is the definition.

dys·graph·i·a

disˈɡrafēə/

noun

MEDICINE

1. inability to write coherently, as a symptom of brain disease or damage.
2. 
   

The kid is 4!  What a horrible thing to say to a Mom.  Your 4 year old can't write his name so he probably has brain disease or brain damage?

" I wonder if focusing on 1 letter at a time would help - perhaps he is overwhelmed by all the shapes. Maybe if he just had to do the capital R over and over till he could do it, then add the y... If you show him several letters can he pick out the ones in his name? has (insert kid name) been thru preschool screening yet? Do you see other delays?"  "but has he been evaluated by the school district? It's totally free and may qualify him for extra help before kindergarten... and is separate from preschool"

Evaluated by the school district?  He is 4!!!  (I can't say that enough.  He is 4. He is 4. He is 4>

"Have him practice writing his name 20 times a day."

He is 4.  He is a kid.  Let him be a kid for heaven's sake.

"Have you had him tested for visual processing disorders? Most of you are probably saying..."what the heck is that?!" Often times, we see patients like your son, who are having a very difficult time writing or in an academic setting, but are exceptionally intelligent. Sometimes, this can be a result of poor visual processing skills. Just a thought. If you are interested (Insert Dr. Name and Clinic Name)  offers free Vision Therapy Evaluations."


This woman must work for the clinic?  But again, is this really necessary for a 4 year old? 



Of course there were a number of people that were responding with don't worry about it, it is all normal etc.   But honestly this whole thing upset me at so many levels.

We push our kids harder and harder all the time.  So many parents want Johnny or Susie to be the next child prodigy in school, music, sports, dance or any other activity.  Why are we doing this?  What is the point?   


Here is a great article if you want to read a little more about it.  Let Kids Be Kids  

Children should be playing, be outside, jumping in puddles, building snowmen, creative play, exercise, HAVE FUN!  

How To Survive High School

Ok, I am going to just put it right out there - I hated high school.  I hated all the drama, the cliques, the social issues and so much more.  Now did that mean I did not enjoy myself, no, absolutely not the case.  I had great friends and had a blast but I couldn't wait to be done with the drama and the judgement.  I had a ton of friends but I was not "popular".  Honestly, I didn't want to be popular.  I didn't run in the same circles as the athletes, the dance line, or the cheerleaders.  I was very active in my church and in music.  Band people were called "band geeks".  Need I say more.  A lot of my friends were from church.  My other friends were all 3-6 years older than me.

We won't even talk about middle school/junior high.  Wow kids are MEAN!

Now before you completely scream at me about how I wasted the best years of my life, that is completely untrue.  Or telling me that I am the judgmental person.   Not every popular person was mean, not every band kid was a geek.  I just didn't have time for the social drama regardless of the source.

I learned a lot about people and grew a lot as a person. I was very busy and had a very active social life, and yes I dated people, usually people older than me.

 The most important thing I learned was to be myself, and not let people walk all over you.

I have connected with a number of classmates in my life.  Some of them have changed, some have not.  Many I call friends.

Actually when I selected my college, I did so with the understanding that there were not many people from my high school attending.   At a social event as a Freshman in college I ran into one of the few from my high school.  He came up and introduced himself to me as a complete stranger. Now, understand I graduated with over 800 people so it is possible he may have not known me.  I pretended I didn't know who he was and he asked where I was from.  When I told him Bloomington he honestly sounded surprised and said, "are you kidding, so am I"!  He then proceeded to ask me if I was sure I didn't know him because he was (insert important position) on (insert sports team).  I smiled and said no, I didn't know you.  :)

A couple years later another high school classmate transferred from a two year college.  I got to know him and we become good friends.  He also did not have the time of day for me in high school.  I had matured slightly in a couple of years and overlooked the fact that he was one of "those people" that I really didn't care for in high school.  Our 5 year reunion was coming up and I told him I had no interest in going back to see any of those people.  He proceeded to argue and try to convince me that everyone had grown up and had changed.  He really wanted me to go so he could show me.  I decided at the 11th hour to take a friend and go.  She and I went and guess who wouldn't talk to me?  Yup, you guessed it, the same guy.  Needless to say, our friendship sort of fizzled after that.

I am now watching my children grow up and go through many of the same things that I did.  I am hoping to teach them how to love themselves first and then worry about others.  That may sound backwards but honestly I think it is a necessity.  How can you love and accept others if you don't accept and love yourself?  I see people worrying so much about how many friends they have, how popular they are, what are they wearing.  Just like when we were kids right?

My parents were older and came from a completely different generation than most of my friends' parents.  My Mother was also a stay at home Mom so we only had one income in our house.  They did not see the value in spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothing items.  They had rules, curfews, etc. that were a stricter than most of my friends.  Of course I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I do now.

We are trying to teach our children good values and how to love themselves. It has become more difficult for them than it was for us due to social media. Kids are growing up faster and moving into adult activities so much younger.

 Here are some of my guidelines.

1. God First, Family Second
2. Don't try to please everyone - you will fail
3. Do what you love and never apologize for it
4. A couple of friends you can trust with your life are better than many friends that you can't trust
5. Do not define yourself by your friends or the guy/girl you "date"
6. Be kind, always, to everyone
7. If someone doesn't like you, they don't deserve you
8. You do not need to date someone to feel good
9. When given a secret to keep, keep it
10. Surround yourself with people that have the same core beliefs and values as you

I know that my kids will make a lot of mistakes and sometimes learning on your own is the best way to learn.  That won't stop me from trying to spare them some of the hurt, the pain or the hard lessons that I learned as a kid.  I learned a lot about loving myself and being my own person from my parents.  I only hope to pass some of that knowledge along.

Our children may not like our rules right now, I know they will when they get older.

Why do we do it?  We love them more than life.  Period.

Life is Too Short - My Heart is Broken

This is not going to be long.  This is not going to be eloquent.   Life is too short for so many things.  I have been reading a book about letting go and letting God help you become the person He meant you to be.  God wants us to be happy.  God wants us to be content and fulfilled.  But we have to get out of his way and let him.  But I stray from my original thoughts.

As I was unpacking from a weekend with the youth from church (more about that later) I came across some pictures.  I have watched 3 people I love become estranged from each other.
So much has changed for them in the last year.  It breaks my heart.  Why are they estranged?  I honestly don't know.   I know some things changed, but the people didn't change.  They didn't change who they were, what they believed.  Was I wrong?  Did I misunderstand their hearts?  All I see now is:

• Jealousy
• Anger
• Resentment
• Bitterness
• Hatefulness
• Judgment 

I want to fix things.  I want to mediate.  I want to make it the way it was.  I can't.

I have only heard one side of the story, but I heard that from multiple people.  Hateful things were said about one of the three.  No one seems to know why.  We all know what circumstances changed, but why did their relationship have to change?  Why would someone that said they loved another suddenly say mean things about them?

Why do we hate?  Why are we angry?  We do we treat people badly?

Can Essential Oils Help Sell A Home? Looking for Realtors in Minneapolis.

Think back to your childhood.  Are there certain smells that make you think of home, Christmas, or your family?  The sense of smell is one of the strongest senses in our bodies.   For me it is the smell of onions and celery being sauteed in butter that makes me think of my Mother's home made stuffing.  Bacon frying in the morning, brings me back to our lake home and my Dad making breakfast.  Chocolate chip cookies after school?  The smell of a fire outside.  So many smells bring immediate comfort and great memories.

These memories are not just your imagination.  There is actual science behind this.  I find it fascinating!

Here is a great article:  http://www.fifthsense.org.uk/what_is_smell/psychology/

If you follow me at all you know we are on a mission to eliminate as many chemicals as we can from our homes.  I will be writing another post about detoxing your home another time.  There are so many chemicals in your home!

I know a lot of people that are currently selling their homes.  I have seen many in the neighborhood that have been on the market for a very long time.   You hear about people cooking fresh cookies during an open house.  Of course many people have the plug in air fresheners, burn candles and spray air fresheners that they use before an open house.  Read more about that here:  http://wholehealth4all.blogspot.com/2014/10/diffusing-vs-air-fresheners.html


Here is a report on the potential dangers of some candles as well.  http://www.abc15.com/news/national/can-burning-candles-make-you-sick-university-studies-scrutinize-possible-release-of-toxic-fumes

I don't mean to overwhelm you with facts, science and details.

So I started thinking.

Could a diffuser and essential oils help sell a home?

I reached out to a couple of realtors that I know and they said, you shouldn't have any scents during an open house.  I find that interesting based on what I hear about people with cookies and air

fresheners etc.   For example lets say you diffuse an oil like Christmas Spirit that is orange, cinnamon and spruce.  The scent is absolutely heavenly!  It brings back memories of Christmas a warm home and a fire in the fire place.  It is also great for lifting your mood and removing potential decision making blocks which is good for the seller and the buyer!

Another blend would be Citrus Fresh.  This is a blend of uplifting, bright Orange, Tangerine, Grapefruit, Lemon, Mandarin, and Spearmint oils.  For me it brings thoughts of a summer day.

Purification would be another choice. a blend of Citronella, Lemongrass, Lavandin, Rosemary, Tea Tree, and Myrtle essential oils.  This would be my choice for anyone home that might have pets.  It is fresh and eliminates any potential odors.

Of course this is all without any chemicals.  You can control the strength of the scents by limiting the amount of oils you put in the diffuser!

Here is a great abstract on the concept of ambient fragrance.  http://psp.sagepub.com/content/23/5/498.abstract

Don't believe me?  Here is another great article.   http://psp.sagepub.com/content/23/5/498.abstract

So here is what I am looking for.  I am a show me kind of person.  This has been our journey with essential oils since we got started.  We started with what I like to call skeptical optimism.   Read more about that here:  http://wholehealth4all.blogspot.com/2014/08/skeptically-optimistic-why-i-chose.html

I am looking for a couple of local realtors (Minneapolis, MN area) that have a house on the market that would like to borrow a diffuser and some oils.  It certainly can't hurt and I can guarantee that it starts some great conversations.  All I ask for in return is if you have someone with questions on the oils or diffusers, you give them my business card.  Fair is fair right?

I would love to see if it actually works!

Interested in trying?  PM me or comment on this post.

Fishing Memories & Silence

I know what you are asking, what does fishing have to do with becoming whole?  To me becoming whole is about learning exactly what it is in your life that makes you complete.  What holes do you have in your soul that need to be filled. 

My parents bought a lake home when I was 2.  They loved it there.  To say I grew up there is an understatement.  We were there every single weekend from late spring until late fall.  That place was as much my home, as much a part of me as anywhere else.  Maybe even more so.  The time that we spent there as a family was precious.  I was with my Mother and Dad and they were 'present' with me at all times.

We did not have a television up there when I was younger.  Actually when we put one in, I hated it.  But that is another story.  We played cards, we went for walks, and of course WE WENT FISHING.  We fished off the dock, in a fishing boat (going backwards round and round Little Island) we took the pontoon to Aitkin lake to catch sunnies.

When I was younger, I certainly didn't understand the joy of silence.  I remember Crappie fishing.  Apparently the Crappie's are easily spooked.  We would row or paddle in silently and drop your line next to a lily pad.   Invariably I would clunk the side of the boat, stomp my feet, or speak too loudly.  He never got angry with me.  We would just move to the other side of the pads. It took many years but I believe this process taught me so much.  This is something I cannot repay.

I remember the first big fish I caught as a kid.  Let's face it, fishing was BORING.  We sat on the end of the small boat dock.  This was the old wooden dock with the big heavy steel posts.  I had a small cane pole.  He would show me how to throw the line out into the water and watch my bobber.   There was no excitement in watching.  I wanted to "cast" the line out.  Of course there was no casting with a cane pole, but what did I know.

I kept pulling the line in and putting the line out again.  Then it happened.  I pulled the line in and a HUGE (remember I was probably 3 or 4) Northern Pike jumped out of the water and chased the line.  I was terrified.  My eyes were huge and we quickly put the pole back in the water.  Sure enough we hooked the big Northern and Daddy helped me haul it in.  I learned a little bit of the value of patience that day and the love of an amazing Daddy.  I didn't realize it at the time, but clearly that memory has stayed with me for many years.  He was very proud and so was I.

As I grew older and was working, I would stay over Sunday night and drive home very early for work on Monday mornings.  Sunday nights were amazing.  The lake was quiet, no boats or jet skis zipping by.  Dad and I would get the boat ready and head out.  It was quiet.  Sometimes we fished in a content and comfortable silence.  So many sounds and memories of the sounds.  Loons, geese, ducks, the breeze in the trees. Those sounds take me immediately back to those times.  If you have ever experienced that, it is amazing.   Other times, we talked, we talked a lot.  We talked about work, relationships, life.  I treasure those moments.  We were present.

Life is so hectic, it is sometimes hard to be present with my family and especially my children.  I am tired, I am drained by so many things.  We don't go to the lake anymore, it belongs to my brother.  We don't have a boat.  My son asks to go fishing, we don't take him.  We are terrible parents right?  I miss that quiet.  I miss that time.  No electronics, no music, just God's music and a relationship with a wonderful man and woman.  A Mother and a Father.

Something our children are missing in their lives is learning to be still and silent.  We will work on finding time for that.  Time to listen to the sounds of nature, to your heart, to the voice of God.

You Are Beautiful

I really truly believe that everyone is beautiful.  Is everyone model status?  Is everyone movie star status?  Absolutely not.  But (yes I am starting a sentence with a preposition) I believe everyone has something beautiful.  Your eyes, your heart, oh and guess what your soul.

The other day someone I know on Facebook made a post that said something along the lines of, "I am sitting at the doctor's office.  A woman is staring at me.  I don't think she has ever seen a fat person before".  I replied to her comment and said, "I am sure it is because she thinks you are beautiful".  Her first response to me disturbed me.  It was something like, "I don't think so".    So I put on my positive lecture hat and said,  "Friend (name omitted) we need to work on your attitude so that you know you absolutely are beautiful!"  Her response troubled me even more, "No thanks Lori, I don't want to be delusional".  She made a couple of other negative comments to other posters as well.

There were so many emotions that ran through me.  First I was incredulous, then I was actually wounded.  Here I am trying to do something nice for someone and they don't appreciate it.  Seriously, that went through my head.  I ripped off a very mature, "Well, OK then.  Nevermind".  I left that there for about 30 seconds and then went and deleted all my comments on the thread.

I was stunned by many things.

1. I was incredibly sad that someone was that down on themselves
2. I was a little incredulous that no one had taught her how to take a compliment (a pet peeve of mine)
3. I started to analyze why I had posted the original comment.

I will come back to number 2 some day in another post.

Let's look at number 3 for a minute.  Why did I post that comment?  Was it to make her feel better?  Was it to make me feel like a hero?  I started to feel like I wasn't doing it for the right reasons?  Did I want her to say, "Why thank you Lori, you are so sweet!".  Why did I get so angry at her comment?  What was my goal?

I actually thought about this for a long time.  As I said at the beginning, I truly believe everyone is beautiful.  God made us in his image.  Is God beautiful?  If we are made in God's image don't we all HAVE to be beautiful?  At least I believe everyone starts with the same potential to be beautiful.  I am not talking about physical beauty.  What I do KNOW is God loves all of us. I know he thinks we are all beautiful.  We all have a purpose in life if we are willing to listen to God to learn and understand what he wants for us and of us.  

I was happy to come to the realization that I didn't make that comment for myself.  I really thought a compliment might make her feel a little better about herself.

I also really do believe she is beautiful. She is a musician and plays beautiful music - just that - by itself - makes her beautiful to me.  She is using a gift that God gave her to create a thing of beauty.   Society today tends to focus on the media, movie-star, model "image" of beauty.  But that is about making money, period.  Beauty is so much more to me.

Merriam- Websters definition of beauty.   Hello - that sure says to me that you can find beauty in many things!

Full Definition of BEAUTY

1

:  the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit :  loveliness

2

:  a beautiful person or thing; especially :  a beautiful woman

3

:  a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality

4

:  a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance <that mistake was a beauty>

YOU ARE 

BEAUTIFUL  

P.S.  I went back to her page to look at the exact wording of her/my comments.  The thread is gone.  Maybe I got through just a tiny bit?