Sunday, May 17, 2020

Be Observant - Be Present

My parents survived the depression.   My Father was incredibly frugal.   He did very well in his business but he would still haggle over acorn squash prices at a roadside stand.   He would pick up people's trash (long before Bloomington curbside pickup), fix it and either sell it or use it in our home.   He had the funds to buy whatever he wanted, but he was always frugal.

We took a lot of vacations in the car.   We didn't stay at fancy hotels, we stayed at motels (do they even exist anymore?).   I was ecstatic if we stayed at a motel that had a pool.   My oldest brother is 18 years older than I am.  I am the youngest of 4 which means I was basically an only child.   Yes, we took some big trips to Europe (to see my other brother who was stationed in the army in Germany) and to Hawaii years later when I was in high school.     But MANY of our trips were road trips.   Drive to a place, stay in a motel, drive to another place, stay in a motel until you got to your destination.

I had the backseat to myself generally and I was really good at sleeping in the car.   I still have that skill if anyone wonders.   The beauty to me was that I would fall asleep and then wake up and we would almost be there.   I thought car rides were horribly boring.  My Mother would regularly say, "Lori if you sleep the whole car ride you will miss so much!"  I wasn't buying it at the time.

My parents bought a lake home when I was 2.   I grew up at that lake home.   We were at the end of a dirt road.   We didn't have a tv.   We listened to music, we played cards, we did puzzles, we rock hunted, we explored, we fished, we swam, we played yard games, we bird watched, we boated, we grilled, we gardened, we did yard work and every day we would "go for a walk down the road".   I remember those walks usually just with my Mother very fondly.   We would talk, look for agates, watch the birds, she would point out wildflowers.   We had reference books and when we saw particular birds or flowers we would look them up and mark in the books the date and location.  We were present in the moment and always observant of what was around us and the gift of nature that God provided.

See the source image         See the source image    

I learned to be observant.    I learned to listen.   I learned to watch.   Boy, how much did I miss while sleeping on those car trips?  The joy she had in finding and seeing God's creation every day was infectious.   A sense of adventure and discovery was something I cherish now. 

Fast forward to today.   

I now understand my parent's frugality.   It came from experience.   It came from fear.   We have learned to be much better stewards of our money during these trying times.

The world has slowed down.   Time is all relative now.   Our society needed this change of pace.   

Cell phones, and being constantly connected is not good.   Everyday we see people walking by our house, looking at their phones or even talking on their phones with headphones.   Why is everyone afraid of silence?   True silence doesn't exist.   While you are walking you may hear the sound of a trickling creek, or the birds singing.  Even the sound of a chainsaw or a mower brings back memories of my childhood summers.   Open your eyes.   Look at the world and the people around you.   Listen to the beautiful music God provides outside.

Our family has become more connected through this shutdown.   We are going for walks together.  We are playing games.  If I can share a little of the joy my Mother shared with me I will pass along a legacy of beauty and joy.




Friday, May 15, 2020

Worship Where You Are

Shelter in place.  Churches closed.  No singing.  Social distancing.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that our country would be brought to a screeching halt by a virus.   Over the years you watch the virus movies and it simply never occurred to me that this could happen in my life and that it could happen so quickly.  We were on "shelter in place" due to our MN Governor's orders.   The world has slowed down.   Businesses are closed, churches are closed, people are unemployed.   It is a terrifying time for many people.  That evolved to some slow openings and social distancing.  Months later and nothing is normal.

Churches were closed for weeks.   So many churches, including mine, have adapted as best they can to reach their congregations.   Messages of hope and of God's love are important to many.  But, are we sharing that message outside of our comfort zone?   

Now that we no longer worship in the walls of a church, where are you worshiping?

I picked up a book I had started before and hadn't finished.   An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor.

The first chapter of the book talks about where we worship.   God actually told Jacob that he didn't want a "house of worship".   It is easy for Christians to hide in a house of worship.  We are with people we know, people we love.   We re comfortable.  But what do you do when you leave those four walls? 

Jacob encountered God in the wilderness.   When he awoke, he realized the place he was in was the "house of God."

We have had to learn to worship differently.   The whole world is the house of God.  Church can be a front porch, a river bank, a mountain top or even a chair at the dining room table.   Jesus comes to you where you are.   He doesn't need a fancy church, he just needs your heart.

I have been on a new (old)  journey.   Yes, it is another wellness journey.   I have done a lot of clean eating and weight loss programs.   I am always successful with them.  Then something happens.  Someone gets sick, or injured, or something happens at work and I fall back to old habits.   This new journey for me, will include a lot of self reflection.  Clean eating, reading and exercising. 

I added a couple other options, pray, devotion and write.

If you have followed my journey at all, you know that I am a stress eater and when I am caring for others, or stressed, I stop caring for myself.  I talked with our friend and trainer Jason.  I was almost in tears.   I said, "I need your help".  I need to lose this weight.  I will tell you more about the journey later, but he stepped up and is helping me get there.  

So.   Now is the time.

Where is your house of God?

Friday, March 20, 2020

The Sanctuary Was Empty

The sanctuary was mostly empty.  A full sized figure of Martin Luther sat in the back.  Our chairs were separated so that we could still practice 'social distancing'.   It was very surreal.   I would even say awkward at first.     I was a little self conscious (if you know me, that is not me - at all!) and a little anxious.  It felt like a HUGE responsibility to be there sharing God's word to all the people that no longer can come to church.  Little did I know, that I was the one to be blessed.

Like many churches, we use Holden's Evening Prayer for Lenten services.  I know the music and the words by heart.   But last night.   Those words.   Oh those words.   As the service continued I was overwhelmed by a sense of peace, love and awe.   Those words seemed so much more powerful.  Maybe I had been forgetting lesson #2 (see below).   It is so easy to go through the motions during a church service.  Not last night.    Those words washed over me.  There is Hope.  There is Peace.   There is Joy.  There is Love.

"Jesus Christ you are the Light of the world; the Light no darkness can overcome; Stay with us now for it is evening, and the day is almost over.  Let your Light scatter the darkness and shine within your people here.  Joyous Light of heavn'ly glory, loving glow of God's own face, you who sing creation's story, shine on every land and race.   Now as evening falls around us, we shall raise our songs to you, God of daybreak, God of shadows, come and light our hearts anew.  In the stars that  grace the darkness, in the blazing sun of dawn, in the light of peace and wisdom, we can hear your quiet song."

And, oh so powerful...

"Love that fills the night with wonder, love that warms the weary soul, love that burst all chains asunder, set us free and make us whole."

It continues....

"You who made the heaven's splendor, ev'ry dancing star of night, make us shine with gentle justice, let us each reflect your light."

I sang with every part of my heart and soul the canon that followed.   After worship was over, I found out that family members and many others were watching and singing along.   How powerful is that?   Satan has no hold.

"Let my prayer rise up, like incense before you, the lifting up of my hands as an offering to you.  O God, I call to you, come to me now; O hear my voice when I cry to you.   Keep watch within me God; deep in my heart may the light of your love be burning bright.  All praise to the God of all - Creator of life; all praise be to Christ and the spirit of love."


I love Lent.   I love the time for reflection and the quiet that seems to come with Lent.  Our church, Immanuel Lutheran in Eden Prairie, like many churches use Holden Evening Prayer for their Lenten worship.    This week we have been forced to "social distance" ourselves which means no in-person worship services.  What a time in the church year for this to happen.  Lent.   While we are preparing for God's biggest sacrifice and his biggest miracle.   We are forced to not worship together in a church building.

In my work with Holy Commotion, the youth confirmation band at Immanuel, I only want them to learn two things from me.

#1  Being a worship leader is all about giving glory to God through music.   It is not about your own glory or about your musical talents.   It is giving of your time and talents to glorify God.

#2  Really hearing and feeling the words while sharing worship music.

Last night, I felt both those lessons so dramatically it made me cry.

So, maybe this is a good thing.   We cannot hide behind our church walls anymore.  We cannot be safe together in a sanctuary.   We need to worship where we are.  All day.  Every day.  This situation has already taught me many things and I am sure I will continue to learn and grow as a person through this process.

When the service was over?  We all felt it.  We knew we really had just experienced something truly special.  I read the comments from the live stream when I got home.  Families worshiping by candlelight at home, people from afar joining us,  taking communion on their sofa,  worshiping against all odds.   It was such a blessing to me.




Thursday, August 16, 2018

Why Do You Eat? Understand Your Triggers.

I am sure you have all been on pins and needles wondering where I have been and how I have been doing!   I have taken a little time away from the juicing and tried my hand at eating whole foods again. 

See, now, here is my issue.   I love to eat.   I have been trying to be mindful here now about what, when and why I eat?   I have discovered a number of things.

1.  I eat when I am bored.

Yes.   I admit it.   When I get home, or when I am bored I go and open up the fridge to see what is in there.   Usually, I don't pick something healthy.  Some pretzels, a cheese and crackers, lunch meat and of course the dreaded........   


POTATO CHIPS

Understanding your eating habits is a big part of the battle.  What are your triggers?   Do you know what they are?   

2.  I have a hard time stopping when I am satisfied.

Oh, this is such a learned behavior.   Again, I am not one to blame others, but I am of the 'clean your plate' generation.   You weren't allowed to leave the table until you cleaned your plate.

I won't tell you about the peas that I snuck to the dog so I wouldn't have to eat them.    I have to work really hard to be sure that I don't finish what is served, especially at a restaurant.   Serving sizes have become absolutely ridiculous at restaurants.   

A couple of tips at restaurants.
 - Avoid the bread basket!
 - Avoid heavy, creamy dressings and go for vinaigrettes or oil and vinegar
 - Ask the server to split your entree and put half in a box before it is served
 - Split your entree with a friend
 - Start with a green salad (but remember to avoid the creamy dressings)
 - Drink a large glass of water before you eat
 - Avoid alcohol if you are really trying to lose weight

3.  Enjoy your food/Eat slowly/CHEW

We live in such a rushed world and we are always (at our house) throwing down dinner or eating late, or eating breakfast in the car.   Food is something that should be enjoyed.   Chewing has been shown to help increase satiety.  Even if you are eating a green salad, sit down at the table and enjoy your food!   Chewing your food well also helps with digestion!

Here is a great article to read on that.   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26188140

So, where am I at?   As I mentioned, I took a couple weeks where I focused on exercise and eating healthy.   As of this morning I am down a total of 22 pounds.   I am almost half way to my goal!   

What have I noticed?

  • Increased Energy
  • Sleeping Better
  • Clothes Fit Better
  • My skin is clearer and looks more lusturous
  • I stand just a little bit taller now (I know I was tall to start)

#THISISMYJOURNEY, #IAMWORTHY

Friday, July 27, 2018

BHAG's - Update - Day #11

Weight Loss is a funny thing.  When you have more than 10 or 20 pounds to lose it can seem overwhelming.   What happens for me?  I lose the first chunk of weight.  I feel great.  I can see it in my face   My clothes fit differently.  Then reality hits.   I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO!

It is easy to get frustrated.   It is easy to give up.   It is easy to say things like, "I'll never get there".

Yes I will.   I know I can do this.   What makes me even more excited is I am doing this on my own.   No fancy pills or shakes (all the shakes do is drop your calorie intake, so why wouldn't you just do that with whole foods?)

I have not wanted to share my goal because I guess I was embarrassed by how big that goal had become.  It meant I had let my emotions and other external factors affect my well being and affect my weight.

So, here it is...  My weight loss goal from my start date is 50lbs.   Ok.  I know there are people that have hundreds of pounds to lose.   I have HUGE respect for them.   But #THISISMYJOURNEY.

I have not given you the results of my 10 day juice cleanse.   I made it all 10 days and I didn't stray once!   That is a big goal for me.   Was it easy?   No.  Would I do it again?   Yes.  Actually, today I am on day 4 of another 5 days.  I will fill you in on the Chicago weekend a bit later.

But for now...   Here are the final 10 day results.

I have a long way to go.  For the naysayers and doubters out there.  I am 9 days since day 10 and I am continuing to lose weight.   I haven't gained it all back.  I am not passing out.  I took a weekend off and then today is day 5 of another 5 days.  I will post day 5 results tomorrow.

Let me just say, the gains (or losses in this case) far outweigh the challenges.

#IAMWORTHY, #THISISMYJOURNEY



Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Forgiveness - Day #10 - Did You See How Fat She Is? - Part Deux

Forgiveness has a release and a lightness that goes with it.  Holding on to anger, hurt and hatred takes a lot of negative energy.   PLUS, it is not what Jesus wants us to do. 

If you have been following my journey, you know some pretty hurtful words were said about me.    A series of events including this one propelled me to make a change and make it BIG.

Another one of those events that I have not shared is when we were in Arizona for a baseball tournament.   It was just our son and me on that trip.  The weather was beautiful.  A couple of younger and much more fit Mom's were going to go hiking.  I chose to say no.  I knew I would hold them back and didn't want to do that.  Others sat by the pool.  I chose to not go to the pool because I was embarrassed of my body.  I was absolutely wallowing in misery and self pity.  Pretty pathetic.   Here I was in all this beauty and I sat in my room and worked, and read, by myself.

Notice that I used the word 'chose'.   I wasn't forced.  I chose to be miserable.   Joy, contentment, happiness?   Those are all choices too.

That trip was a real turning point for me.   Our daughter was still fighting a serious illness so it wasn't time for me to act.   But it was always there.  The desire to change it.

Long story short.   I forgive myself for wallowing in self-pity, for not caring for myself and for letting myself get to the place I was.   I forgive the person that said those words to me.  I will say again, they define her, not me.   I feel a lightness.  No pun intended.  This lightness is in my heart.  Before you say something negative about someone, look in your heart to see why you are saying it?   Are you hurt or angry and need to lash out at someone else?   It really doesn't make you feel better.

Most importantly, if you hear a friend or someone else say something like that about someone else, tell them, "THAT IS NOT OK!!!!!!!"  Trust me, if they are talking like that about someone behind their back, most likely they talk about you behind your back too.   TELL THEM - NO!

I know that was kind of a random thought sequence right there.  Welcome to my brain.

For me, I FORGIVE MYSELF AND I FORGIVE YOU.

This is the last day of this juice only juice cleanse.   I feel great.   I still have a journey ahead of me and the next 4 days present a great challenge to me that I am ready to take on.

I will weigh and measure in the morning before heading to the gym.  Thanks for following along.  Stay if you want.   My journey is not over.

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

My Heart Is Full - Day #9

There were times in the last 9 days that I wanted to quit.   I wanted to give in.   I just wanted to eat whole food.   Notice, I did not say real food.   Juice is real food.   My family has been amazingly supportive. 

My poor family is not really eating much because at first it was hard for me to cook when I wasn't partaking.  I hope they know how much I appreciate their support.   Not eating, the mess in the kitchen, my 'occasional' moodiness on this journey and so much more.

I have been holding on to this little gem since I started.    When I got out my gratitude journal to start this journey I found a letter.   I don't know when it was written, but it came from our lovely daughter.

Here is the text.  Misspellings and all.  I can tell by the writing, the context and the spelling/punctuation that she was quite a bit younger.



To: Mommy I <heart> U

My Mom has made me laugh, made me cry, wiped my tears, hugged me tight, watched me succeed, seen me fail, cheered me on, kept me going strong, and drove me crazy.

But in the end it is all ok and every bad or crazy things that have happened to you, because you guys got in a fight or something, it's worth it.  All it does is bring you to closer together.   You need to be close to your Mom and luckily I am.  She is my best friend, the person who I go and tell everything to.  Sure we may fight but every Mom and daughter do, but I do know that my Mom is the one person who can make me smile from a million miles away.  The best things happen when I am with my Mom, like rolling the windows down in the car and cranking the music up so we can sing like no one is listening, or just laughing together.   Just being with her is a new adventure.  That is what makes my Mom special.  Theese are the memorys that I will remember forever, cherish and love even after she is gone.  As I get older I will only become harder to deal with, I may get an attitude and think my Moms weird and unfair but I will always remember that:

Moms are a promise from God that you will have a friend forever.   But I have to disagree, I didn't get a friend, I got a hero.

I love you and always will Mom

Happy Mothers day.


#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

David, Elsie & Porter thank you from the bottom of my heart.   I love you all more than anything!