Why Do You Eat? Understand Your Triggers.

I am sure you have all been on pins and needles wondering where I have been and how I have been doing!   I have taken a little time away from the juicing and tried my hand at eating whole foods again. 

See, now, here is my issue.   I love to eat.   I have been trying to be mindful here now about what, when and why I eat?   I have discovered a number of things.

1.  I eat when I am bored.

Yes.   I admit it.   When I get home, or when I am bored I go and open up the fridge to see what is in there.   Usually, I don't pick something healthy.  Some pretzels, a cheese and crackers, lunch meat and of course the dreaded........   

POTATO CHIPS

Understanding your eating habits is a big part of the battle.  What are your triggers?   Do you know what they are?   

2.  I have a hard time stopping when I am satisfied.

Oh, this is such a learned behavior.   Again, I am not one to blame others, but I am of the 'clean your plate' generation.   You weren't allowed to leave the table until you cleaned your plate.

I won't tell you about the peas that I snuck to the dog so I wouldn't have to eat them.    I have to work really hard to be sure that I don't finish what is served, especially at a restaurant.   Serving sizes have become absolutely ridiculous at restaurants.   

A couple of tips at restaurants.

 - Avoid the bread basket!

 - Avoid heavy, creamy dressings and go for vinaigrettes or oil and vinegar

 - Ask the server to split your entree and put half in a box before it is served

 - Split your entree with a friend

 - Start with a green salad (but remember to avoid the creamy dressings)

 - Drink a large glass of water before you eat

 - Avoid alcohol if you are really trying to lose weight

3.  Enjoy your food/Eat slowly/CHEW

We live in such a rushed world and we are always (at our house) throwing down dinner or eating late, or eating breakfast in the car.   Food is something that should be enjoyed.   Chewing has been shown to help increase satiety.  Even if you are eating a green salad, sit down at the table and enjoy your food!   Chewing your food well also helps with digestion!

Here is a great article to read on that.   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26188140

So, where am I at?   As I mentioned, I took a couple weeks where I focused on exercise and eating healthy.   As of this morning I am down a total of 22 pounds.   I am almost half way to my goal!   

What have I noticed?

• Increased Energy
• Sleeping Better
• Clothes Fit Better
• My skin is clearer and looks more lusturous
• I stand just a little bit taller now (I know I was tall to start)

#THISISMYJOURNEY, #IAMWORTHY

BHAG's - Update - Day #11

Weight Loss is a funny thing.  When you have more than 10 or 20 pounds to lose it can seem overwhelming.   What happens for me?  I lose the first chunk of weight.  I feel great.  I can see it in my face   My clothes fit differently.  Then reality hits.   I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO!

It is easy to get frustrated.   It is easy to give up.   It is easy to say things like, "I'll never get there".

Yes I will.   I know I can do this.   What makes me even more excited is I am doing this on my own.   No fancy pills or shakes (all the shakes do is drop your calorie intake, so why wouldn't you just do that with whole foods?)

I have not wanted to share my goal because I guess I was embarrassed by how big that goal had become.  It meant I had let my emotions and other external factors affect my well being and affect my weight.

So, here it is...  My weight loss goal from my start date is 50lbs.   Ok.  I know there are people that have hundreds of pounds to lose.   I have HUGE respect for them.   But #THISISMYJOURNEY.

I have not given you the results of my 10 day juice cleanse.   I made it all 10 days and I didn't stray once!   That is a big goal for me.   Was it easy?   No.  Would I do it again?   Yes.  Actually, today I am on day 4 of another 5 days.  I will fill you in on the Chicago weekend a bit later.

But for now...   Here are the final 10 day results.

I have a long way to go.  For the naysayers and doubters out there.  I am 9 days since day 10 and I am continuing to lose weight.   I haven't gained it all back.  I am not passing out.  I took a weekend off and then today is day 5 of another 5 days.  I will post day 5 results tomorrow.

Let me just say, the gains (or losses in this case) far outweigh the challenges.

#IAMWORTHY, #THISISMYJOURNEY

Forgiveness - Day #10 - Did You See How Fat She Is? - Part Deux

Forgiveness has a release and a lightness that goes with it.  Holding on to anger, hurt and hatred takes a lot of negative energy.   PLUS, it is not what Jesus wants us to do. 

If you have been following my journey, you know some pretty hurtful words were said about me.    A series of events including this one propelled me to make a change and make it BIG.

Another one of those events that I have not shared is when we were in Arizona for a baseball tournament.   It was just our son and me on that trip.  The weather was beautiful.  A couple of younger and much more fit Mom's were going to go hiking.  I chose to say no.  I knew I would hold them back and didn't want to do that.  Others sat by the pool.  I chose to not go to the pool because I was embarrassed of my body.  I was absolutely wallowing in misery and self pity.  Pretty pathetic.   Here I was in all this beauty and I sat in my room and worked, and read, by myself.

Notice that I used the word 'chose'.   I wasn't forced.  I chose to be miserable.   Joy, contentment, happiness?   Those are all choices too.

That trip was a real turning point for me.   Our daughter was still fighting a serious illness so it wasn't time for me to act.   But it was always there.  The desire to change it.

Long story short.   I forgive myself for wallowing in self-pity, for not caring for myself and for letting myself get to the place I was.   I forgive the person that said those words to me.  I will say again, they define her, not me.   I feel a lightness.  No pun intended.  This lightness is in my heart.  Before you say something negative about someone, look in your heart to see why you are saying it?   Are you hurt or angry and need to lash out at someone else?   It really doesn't make you feel better.

Most importantly, if you hear a friend or someone else say something like that about someone else, tell them, "THAT IS NOT OK!!!!!!!"  Trust me, if they are talking like that about someone behind their back, most likely they talk about you behind your back too.   TELL THEM - NO!

I know that was kind of a random thought sequence right there.  Welcome to my brain.

For me, I FORGIVE MYSELF AND I FORGIVE YOU.

This is the last day of this juice only juice cleanse.   I feel great.   I still have a journey ahead of me and the next 4 days present a great challenge to me that I am ready to take on.

I will weigh and measure in the morning before heading to the gym.  Thanks for following along.  Stay if you want.   My journey is not over.

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

My Heart Is Full - Day #9

There were times in the last 9 days that I wanted to quit.   I wanted to give in.   I just wanted to eat whole food.   Notice, I did not say real food.   Juice is real food.   My family has been amazingly supportive. 

My poor family is not really eating much because at first it was hard for me to cook when I wasn't partaking.  I hope they know how much I appreciate their support.   Not eating, the mess in the kitchen, my 'occasional' moodiness on this journey and so much more.

I have been holding on to this little gem since I started.    When I got out my gratitude journal to start this journey I found a letter.   I don't know when it was written, but it came from our lovely daughter.

Here is the text.  Misspellings and all.  I can tell by the writing, the context and the spelling/punctuation that she was quite a bit younger.

To: Mommy I <heart> U

My Mom has made me laugh, made me cry, wiped my tears, hugged me tight, watched me succeed, seen me fail, cheered me on, kept me going strong, and drove me crazy.

But in the end it is all ok and every bad or crazy things that have happened to you, because you guys got in a fight or something, it's worth it.  All it does is bring you to closer together.   You need to be close to your Mom and luckily I am.  She is my best friend, the person who I go and tell everything to.  Sure we may fight but every Mom and daughter do, but I do know that my Mom is the one person who can make me smile from a million miles away.  The best things happen when I am with my Mom, like rolling the windows down in the car and cranking the music up so we can sing like no one is listening, or just laughing together.   Just being with her is a new adventure.  That is what makes my Mom special.  Theese are the memorys that I will remember forever, cherish and love even after she is gone.  As I get older I will only become harder to deal with, I may get an attitude and think my Moms weird and unfair but I will always remember that:

Moms are a promise from God that you will have a friend forever.   But I have to disagree, I didn't get a friend, I got a hero.

I love you and always will Mom

Happy Mothers day.


#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

David, Elsie & Porter thank you from the bottom of my heart.   I love you all more than anything!

Week One Results - Day 8

I know you have all been waiting with baited breath for my week one results.  Ha!   Seriously though, I was excited and anxious to measure this morning.  I know where the scale has been and have been pleased with that, but I know that the scale can be very misleading.  Here are a few reasons.

1. If I even look at salt (ok that is a sight exaggeration) the scale will go up the next day.   
2. I also know that I am not getting a ton of protein and that I can be burning muscle instead of fat.  I am ok with that right now.*  
3. Plus, I know the first week can be a lot of water weight.

*Here is a great article that talks about muscle loss and how to avoid it during a juice.  I have been adding in the fruits and veggies that are high in amino acids to counteract this.   I am confident that I have not lost a lot of muscle in my 7 days.  https://www.livestrong.com/article/556855-solutions-to-minimize-loss-of-muscle-while-juice-fasting/

BUT, measurements don't lie.

So drum roll please.... (This feels really weird for some reason
to me to share this).

Pounds GONE FOREVER ----- 10.6

Inches Lost

Chest - 1.5"  (of course your boobs get smaller first)
Waist - 1"
Hips - 2"
Thigh - .5"
Calf - .5"

Total of 6.5"

I am very pleased! 

• I do feel lighter.   
• You can see it in my face.   
• Our daughter came home from a weekend trip and said, "Mama you look skinnier".  
• Clothes that were tight are a little bit looser.   

Now is the time for me to push through and keep on.   I know the results will start to slow down, but progress is progress.  There is no magic pill.  There is no quick fix.  This is a lifestyle change.

Every pound counts.   If you think that losing just one pound is not very much, take a look at this.

Improvements

Sleeping Better
Night Sweats Gone
More Clarity
More Energy
Inches Gone
Pounds Gone
Morning joint pain gone (foot and hip)

I am going to keep this short and sweet.  Lots to do at work today and lots of energy this morning to get it done!

This week, I am adding in more weight training to start building more muscle.   You know muscle burns more fat right?  SO BRING ON THE MUSCLES BABY!

When you exercise, you use muscle. This helps build muscle mass, and muscletissue burns more calories -- even when you're at rest -- than body fat. According to Wharton, 10 pounds of muscle would burn 50 calories in a day spent at rest, while 10 pounds of fat would burn 20 calories.May 11, 2007

8 Ways to Burn Calories and Fight Fat - WebMD

https://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/features/8-ways-to-burn-calories-and-fight-fat

I still have this Chicago trip coming up (maybe).   Working on a plan so I don't lose ANY progress.

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

You Don't Sweat Much For A Fat Girl- Day 7

There is a clarity that comes with juicing for me.   Maybe it is the massive simplification of your diet that gives you the opportunity to look at things.   I don't really know.   I was visiting with my sister yesterday about eating habits and how they are formed by your parents and your childhood.

Somewhere along the line, I became uncomfortable with my weight and/or my body.  I was skinny for many many years.   I was actually skinny for more of my life than I have been overweight (not using the word fat - that word is ugly to me).  In high school I was 5'11" and weighed 130 pounds.   Far from overweight.  I put on the proverbial 5 pounds in college.  Yes it was only 5 because we walked and biked everywhere!   I was still far from overweight. 

That's me sitting behind the piano in high school.  Of course none of my high school photos are digital.  I'll have to look for some to scan.   The sad thing?  I don't like pictures now and I don't let anyone take my picture.

I remember high school, when I would sit on the sofa, with friends, I would always put a pillow in my lap over my stomach.   I don't know why, but I still do it to this day.   I also remember my Mother always wanting me to buy clothes that were too big for me.   I remember clearly buying a skirt and jacket and her telling me that I was a big girl and needed a large size.   Keep in mind sizes have changed over the years.  What was a 14 is probably now a 12 or even a 10  She wanted me to buy size 16's.  The skirts were always too big and the jacket was baggy.

Here is an article showing the evolution of women's clothing sizes.   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3198374/Chart-reveals-clothing-sizes-changed-past-60-years-shows-size-12-Marilyn-Monroe-00-8-today.html

I don't know why she thought I needed a larger size than what fit me.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not blaming her.  She was not doing anything to hurt me.   Here is another good one.  I had a boyfriend in college that thought it was really funny to say, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl."   I dated a guy after college that told me, "I don't mean to offend you, but your arms don't look good in a sleeveless shirt."   Anytime someone starts a sentence with, 'I don't mean to offend you,' it probably shouldn't be said.

So... long and the short.  Did all these things affect me?   I really don't know.   But acknowledging all those things can only help me.   I release that past completely.   I am where I am.  I am beautiful.  I am loved.  I am worthy.   I am making changes for me because I am worthy,  not because of my past.

Day 7 is just about over.   I will weigh and take measurements in the morning to see the results of week one. 

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

Whole Foods Only - You Might Not Like This Post - Day 6

I have had a couple people ask, why are you doing a juice cleanse?  I have done these in the past.   I have also read a lot and watched a couple documentaries on the benefits of juicing.   It is not for the faint of heart.   You need to have  very strong will power for sure.  If you haven't watched it, go check out Fat Sick and Nearly Dead.   If that doesn't inspire you, nothing will.

I also know there are a ton of people working in network marketing that will tell you that they have the solution.   I am also in network marketing with Young Living Essential Oils.  We have a whole line of natural products.  But, that is not why I am writing.   There are many people in network marketing that will tell you that they have the magic solution for weightloss.   I have even heard some people call them their "magic pills".   I don't want to disparage any of my friends and I have had many suggestions made to me on products to try.

If you are anti network marketing, I get that.   I was there too.   You may like my post about network marketing.   You can read it HERE!  But, this is not the point of this post.  Squirrel.

I want to do this with whole foods and for now juicing.

Why?   This is sustainable with me only putting in my body things that God created.  My issue with all the supplements and protein shakes etc is that they want you to drink them everyday (for the rest of your life).   Of course many of these people truly want to help people to live a better life and to make a good living financially.  I do not begrudge them their success.

I just know I need to do something that is sustainable.   No, I am not going to juice for the rest of my life all day every day.   But I am cleaning out my system.  Removing toxins and loosing weight in the process.   When I decide to quit juicing, I will have a plan to keep calories eaten below calories burned.   It is that simple.  Burn more calories than you put in your body.   Don't eat foods that will destroy your health.  Things like processed foods, sugar etc.   Of course I am oversimplifying this.  But eating good whole foods, portion control and exercising are the best way to sustain a healthy lifestyle. Plan for a 80% clean rate and you will sustain your weight and even lose more weight.

My plan is to drop the pounds and not put them back on again.   I don't want to be tied to somebodies products, pills or shakes to make that happen.   I do take supplements to support my wellness, but not for weight loss.   I am not opposed to an occasional protein shake, but make sure you understand the ingredients.   Putting chemicals and processed sugar products back into your body after a juice cleanse is pretty counterproductive.

The other day, my friend, and trainer, Jen Eggum Flynn wrote a great post about one of the weight loss shake products out there.   She said everything I have wanted to say about these products.   Please READ LABELS

Looks good right? Some even say incredibly healthy and amazing and tastes amazing! LOSE WEIGHT, FEEL GREAT!

I see more and more "pop up" nutrition shops, we have one in every town surrounding Jordan and now one even opening here. These shops serve herbalife teas and shakes and are advertised as "healthy". They also hold nutrition seminars, weight loss programs and meal plans.

I'm going to warn you ahead of time that you may not like what you are going to read but as a certified health coach, a certified nutrition coach and someone who is passionate about teaching others what to put in your body....I feel it's my responsibility to tell you what's in these products so that you can decide for yourself and also to warn your kids.

Friends, what you may not realize is what is actually in the product that is being sold as "healthy" "good for you".

Herbalife Protein shakes
(Direct Ingredients from their website):

Sucralose - (AKA splenda) this is how they make sucralose - they start with sugar and then selectively replace three hydrogen groups with three chlorine atoms. The result is an exceptionally stable sweeter that tastes like sugar. So whats wrong with eating something that's been chlorinated? It DESTROYS gut flora. Unhealthy gut flora leads to allergies, weakened immune system and ultimately studies have proven autoimmune disease.
Not to mention, Sucralose still tells your body to produce insulin and when the insulin is not used.... it leads to fat stores. Thus actually adding actual fat weight.

Soy isolate protein- Soy is rich in phytic acid which blocks mineral absorption. It's also rich in goitrogens which negatively impacts the thyroid. It's also rich in phytoestrogens..... mimics estrogen in the body - not a good thing.

Canola oil - canola oil is a rancid industrial oil that undergoes an unbelievable amount of processing. All the cells you are trying to improve with eating nutritient rich foods... is being destroyed by putting tiny little holes into your cells with Canola oil.

MSG - is hidden in this powder labeled as "natural flavors" and maltodextrin. The body does not process glutamate the same as naturally occurring glutamic acid. MSG also causes cravings and overeating.

Carrageenan - is a food additive from seaweed. It is what thickens the product when mixed. It has been scientifically proven to cause colitis, ulcers and gut and digestive tract problems.

Not to mention other ingredients like corn syrup, wheat protein, utilized yeast extract and don't get me started on the horrible types of fiber they add in to these products.

Bottom line... be very very careful. These healthy drinks and teas (which have the same horrible ingredients) are NOT actually healthy.

So how do they get away with it? It's not FDA regulated. which means they don't need to tell you that it could be harmful to your health.
Also be cautious of these shops that offer nutrition advice and meal plans. Most (not all) are not certified and typically not educated at all in nutrition. It's a marketing tool used to sell... yep more product that goes into the recipe.

Lastly, this is not an I hate herbalife post. I get that these companies are in it for the business and to make money. Most of these shops will not last 3-5 years in the same location. They move in quick make a ton of money and move out. And if you are the business owner, I get that you need something to support your family and at first glance it seems like a great way to do so. I on the other hand have been on the receiving end of bad products, bad advice and my health has been affected. So I will pass along information for the public to learn about these products and and then decide what they choose to put into their body. Who knows maybe I will even get these business owners to think twice and choose a product that actually is good for your health because there are some out there.

 

You can check out Jenny's amazing Facebook page HERE!

About Jen:   Jen uses her own journey of obesity, depression, tragedy and how she overcame and won the battle to Coach others how to live a healthy lifestyle through the use of real food, appropriate exercise and learning how to live with purpose and passion.

Feel free to reach out to Jen for coaching opportunities!

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

Day 5 - Sweat Like a Pig!

Sweat like a pig.  What does that really mean?   Do pigs really sweat?   I don't know but I sure did.

Day 5 and I am ready to go!   Yesterday was REALLY HARD.   I just wanted to eat.  I was major crabby and hungry and just downright miserable.    David was amazing and kept me focused.   I changed my language to positive language and I made it through the day!

I am battling this rash which could be a small infection or a little detox going on not sure.   We had a pretty stressful day at work.   It would have been very easy to go home and eat something.  Food has been my comfort.   NOT ANYMORE!   My plan to remove stress was to go ride my bike.   It rained.   It seemed like everything was working against me.   But, the positive language and the affirmations (and my family support system) saved me.

Instead of the exercise, I took a long infrared sauna last night.  I will write more about the benefits of that later.   I didn't think I had that much to sweat out.  I was wrong.   Holy cow.  But it felt great.   The sauna will also help to remove toxins.

So this week, was not stellar for exercise.   I got two workouts in.   I want to be moving.   I am giving myself grace since this was the first week juicing.   We are going to the gym this afternoon and plan on going again in the morning.

Improvements

The scale has actually moved quite a bit.  I am not going to share any numbers yet, because I want to measure and not just base it on the scale.  Stay tuned on Sunday or Monday for the first week's progress.

More Energy.   I do not get sleepy between 2 and 3.   Oh the power of fruits and vegetables!

Sleeping Better.   I feel more rested when I wake up in the morning.

Night Sweats - Virtually GONE!

Mind - I really feel more clarity.   It is hard to quantify, but I am not fuzzy headed.

Plans for Next Week

Next week is a bit tricky as we are going to Chicago for a baseball tournament.  As much as I don't want to, I am going to have to take a break while we are gone.  Trust me I am not going to go crazy and resort back to pizza and beer.   Maybe a couple of you can check in on me to hold me accountable.   I am not sure what my plan is going on the road, I just know I need to have one!  Any ideas on a plan, let me hear them!

A little humor for Friday.   Do you work out at home?   Check out this little video for a couple chuckles.

Home Work Out Fails

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

Day 4 Sucks - Turning Your Day Right Side Up

Today just totally got off on the wrong foot.   Last night before I went to bed, I found a rash under my arms that I didn't like.   So I spent a lot of last night with my good friend Dr. Google.   I don't recommend becoming a friend of this particular Doctor.  By the time I was done reading, I was stressed, anxious and couldn't sleep.

This morning I did not get up and do my devotion.   I did not do my gratitude list.   I did not do my essential oil protocol.  I felt shaky and just REALLY WANTED FOOD.  We did not go to the gym.  I wanted to quit. 

I did not give in.   I tried to settle my mind and my heart.  I did some deep breathing.   I did a couple devotionals on the drive to work.   Amazing things happened.   My breathing slowed.   My heart rate slowed.  And I no longer feel shaky.   We have all had those days where the stress seems to consume you and the day just spirals out of control.  You stub your toe, you spill your coffee, traffic is bad and by the time to get to work you are wound up pretty tight!   The day doesn't seem to go well from there.  Right? 

All last night I was writing a nasty email response to someone in my head.   I wanted to say all the things that pissed me off.   Do you ever do that?  Write emails in your head?   Or have conversations in your head with what you want to say to someone when you are angry with them.   So counterproductive.    Really.   It puts your mind in a negative place and then puts your heart in that negative place also.  When you get to work you can even change the attitudes of the people around you.   You change their vibrations/frequency.  Have you met people like that?   I can them perennial life suckers.   You know the type?  The people that seem to suck the air out of a room.  The people that if you spend too much time with them, your shoulders are tense, you have a headache and you get crabby.  Those people actually lowered your frequency!

Frequencies.  Everything has a frequency.   Things like meditation, praying and deep breathing naturally raise your frequency.   Things like illness and stress lower your frequency.  Essential oils raise your frequency (more about that another day).  This is actually science not hocus pocus mumbo jumbo and I have learned a lot about it, but I am NOT an expert.

After I got to work.   I wrote the email.   But it was not at all what I said last night.   I am drinking my juice.   I put some frankincense (very gounding) over my heart and took 5 deep breaths of frankincense.  I am going to plug in some relaxing music and do my gratitude journal now. 

The moral of the story?   Sometimes your days get inside out.   You can always make the decision to right them before they get out of control.   You have that control over yourself. 

I will continue on.   I have not cared for my body for a number of years.   It is time.  I am worth it.  I am worthy. 

Blessings to you all today!  I know that you are there cheering me on, and I am cheering for you too!

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

If you want to learn more about frequencies or frankincense, here are a couple of posts from other essential oils lovers!

Frequencies
Frankincense
More On Frequencies

Do You Love Yourself? I Didn't. - Day 3

If you read my first post, you know that I have known I needed to clean up my diet and get rid of some extra fat I have been carrying around for a while.   What made me decide to finally take the plunge and get started?   It wasn't just one thing.   It wasn't just the horrible words that were spoken about me.   It has been a series of events over a number of months.

One of those eye opening moments was when I was doing an online affirmation.  When I started the affirmation, it told me to have my phone ready and to go to the camera.  I really didn't know what that meant or what I was in for. 

Let's talk about affirmations for a minute.   I have been learning and studying the affects of positive language and mindset on the brain and on your life.   It is really incredible how it all works and the benefits of having a positive attitude.

We have already talked about the benefits of starting your day with writing in a gratitude journal.   I will talk more about that in another post and the amazing health benefits that come through gratitude and meditation.    Yikes.   I have so much I want to share with you.   Look squirrel. 

Back to those affirmations and the wonderful woman that wanted me to have my camera ready.   It was an entire affirmation about loving yourself.   I went through the paces, listened to all the things she said and even said the mantras along with her.   I don't think my heart was in it.  At the end?  She said turn your camera on and flip it towards yourself.  Her instructions:

Look yourself in the eye and say, 'I Am Worthy Of Love'.

I COULDN'T DO IT.   I could not tell myself I was worthy of love.   What an eye opening experience.   I cried.  I seriously cried.   Clearly something is going on with me right?  Everyone is worthy of love.  I did a lot of praying, a lot of reading and meditating.   Of course, my feelings became true when that wonderful person said about me, "Did You See How Fat She Is?".   You can read about those fateful words HERE.  I told my family about this and my daughter gave me this...

This week as I started the next phase of my wellness journey, I am not focusing just on getting rid of some of the extra fat I am carrying on my God given body.  I am also focusing on my spiritual and mental wellness.   I believe one of the reasons I have not been able to lose the weight and keep it off is because I didn't think I was worthy of love.

I am going to say that again.   This is important! 

ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF IS BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK I WAS WORTHY OF LOVE.

Fast forward to today.   I am on Day 4 of a Juice Cleanse.  But I am also cleansing my mind and my spirit.  I am doing an essential oil protocol twice a day.   We already know I am starting each day with a devotion and a gratitude journal. 

My current affirmation?   I AM WORTHY OF LOVE, I AM STRONG AND LEAD AN ABUNDANT LIFE.

This morning when I did my oil regimen and said my affirmation out loud multiple times, I was able to look at myself in the mirror and without thinking about it....   I SMILED.  It was not forced.   It just happened.   I smiled at myself when I said I Am Worthy Of Love.

I get the chills just typing this.  Remember three months ago, I could not even say it!  Literally my throat closed up and I could not make myself say the words.   It was the strangest thing to experience.

I know this is a huge win for me on my journey.   I have a small group where I have done some guided meditations with them on Facebook.  I am going to start that group up again.  If you want an invite, let me know!

Have you had any moments like this?  AHA moments?   Send me a message or comment here!  I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Cleanse Update

No night sweats at all last night!  Energy levels seem to be improving.  Hunger pains have minimized.   Scale has moved quite a bit, but I am not focusing on the scale.  I know the first bits of weight loss will be primarily water weight.

Exercise Update

We did go to the gym yesterday afternoon and I did 55 minutes on the recumbent bike.   After we got home, Elsie asked if I wanted to go on a bike ride.  Time with teen children is precious so I said yes.  We went for an hour ride.   I may regret that later.  But I am moving and burning calories.

#IAMWORTHY
#THISISMYJOURNEY

I Had a Hunch - Day One Is In The Books - Day 2 Juice Cleanse

Holy cow.   I had a hunch that many other people, especially Moms, might be in the same boat as I am.   I HAD NO IDEA.   The outpouring from everyone, friends, family, and even strangers is AMAZING.  I have been told numerous stories from people that are fighting the same battles.   Long time weight issues, gaining weight after the death of a loved one and so much more.

I published my first post about this journey Sunday night about 8:00 p.m. Central Standard Time.   As of noon Monday my post had over 1500 views.  This morning, the views are almost 1800!

Let's just think about that for moment.   In my small circle of influence almost 1800 people read my post.   Now, I would love to think that it was my amazing writing capabilities, my fabulous wit and wisdom, but I highly doubt it.

What it says to me, is that many people have similar issues!  What I know is that every person has what it takes inside them to do something about it.

So, what do I do with that information?   I am not completely sure yet.   I can tell you it has my  mind spinning.   I said to David, my husband, what if I could help even 1% of those 1800?  What if we could create community and do this together.  What if we could do it without all the hype, products, etc?   How AMAZING would that be?  What if we could make the world a little bit better place for people?

Cleanse Update

I took all my measurements yesterday and scale weight.   I will share my progress at the end of the 10 days in pounds and inches lost.   I do not have the ability to do body fat analysis and it is just a number to me.   If I feel good, that is enough for me.

Elsie had a pretty bad headache and slept a lot last night.  She woke up again this morning with a headache.   I will write more about this tomorrow.   I truly believe this is a sugar detox for her.  She doesn't eat a lot of sugar due to her intestinal issues, but before we started the cleanse she had quite a bit.

Yesterday afternoon, between 3 and 4, I just wanted to sleep.   Tiny headache but not a big one.   I know I did not drink enough water yesterday.  I was hungry, but it was not unbearable.

Improvements

I am post menopausal, but I still suffer from night sweats.   I believe the night sweats are more a function of toxins in my body and the extra weight I am carrying.  Last night's night sweats were VERY minimal and I really felt that I slept better and felt more rested this morning.

Self Discovery!

I made egg rolls for David for dinner last night and I learned something about myself.  I eat because it is there, not because I am hungry.   When I get home from work, I would usually eat something.   That something would most likely NOT have been fruits or veggies.   Also while cooking, I tend to munch on what I am preparing.  These are good things for me to learn, because it is about habits and making the habits healthy not destructive.

Exercise

I have not yet resumed my exercise routine.   I do have my workout clothes here at the office with me this morning and we are going to the gym this afternoon.

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

Day One! - Ready to Juice - Gratitude Journal

Ok, juicer is out, all my veggies are purchased.   I am actually excited to start.  We were scheduled to go to Notre Dame this weekend for a baseball tournament.   They ended up telling us our team was not going.  I love watching our son play baseball, but I am thankful it was cancelled.   That will give me a good 10 days to start this cleanse before we have to go to Chicago for another tournament.

I have done a short juice cleanse before and the hardest thing is the prep and planning.   Plus I just don't have room in my fridge!!!!  My amazing daughter Elsie is joining me on this journey, but I have to cook for the guys.   That might be a challenge!  No, I take that back.   I can do it.  I have learned a lot in the last couple of years of the benefits of positive language.  We will talk about that here as we go.  But if you catch me saying things like hard, can't, challenge.   Slap me up the side of the head.   Only positive words from now on.

If you decide to do a juice cleanse, see your doctor first to check out some vitals and get permission.   It also gives you great baselines to check when you complete your cleanse.  There are many juicers out there on the market.  This time I am using the Breville.   There are a LOT of them available for a reasonable price on Facebook Marketplace.   Don't, unless you want to, pay full retail for one.

For those of you that know me, you know we are an oily family.  I will be incorporating an oily regimine for clearing negative emotions.   I didn't believe at first in the emotional benefits of the oils, but I have seen many examples so I am incorporating all that into my life change.

I will share the first thing I am planning daily. 

1.  Listing 10 things each day in a Gratitude Journal.  My goal is to do that in the morning before heading to work.  Starting my day with an attitude of gratitude is going to do wonders for my outlook!   I will share my list with you occasionally.   This exercise does not have to be hard.  You can repeat things.   It can be as simple as the sound of a bird singing.   It can be sunshine, rain, wind rustling in the leaves.   You can be grateful for just about anything!

This is my journal cover.   Caption says, "It is the light that urges the flower to open its heart to the world."  I actually purchased it in 2011, but I did not really settle in with the process.    Today that changes.  

I did my gratitude list first thing.   I takes me about 5-10 minutes, but it really sets the tone for the day.

But then, something amazing happened to me this morning.  Normally I play some stupid card games or other games on my phone.   It is completely mindless activity.   That is the key right?   It is mindless.  There is NO VALUE in it.  It does nothing to make me a better person.  This morning I sat down to play my games and the first thing that jumped out at me was my Bible App.   I can't explain it any other way than the Holy Spirit guided me.   It was really that strong.

I have a number of devotional plans going at one time.   Today I found a new plan called The Good News in 10 Days by Richard Exley.   I know nothing about him or this plan, but I started this morning.   This was sort of a face palm moment.   I am starting the day in gratitude, but before I start in gratitude, I should start in PRAYER!  DUH!  10 day devotional to correspond with a 10 day juice cleanse.  Seemed appropriate to me.

Here is a link to the app.   It is free.   https://www.bible.com/   You can join me and follow along in the plan and we can share notes on each devotion.    I signed up with my Facebook account.  I am not sure how we connect, but I believe this is my profile.  https://www.bible.com/users/lhanken   I would love for people to join me in my daily devotions as well!

The day is going well.  No hunger, no headaches.   Two juices down.  I will make fresh for tonight.  I will let you know more about day one in tomorrow's post.

Thanks for taking this journey with me.  I am full of hope.

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY

Did you see how fat she is? - A Look In The Mirror

The other day I looked in the mirror.  It seems like a pretty normal thing to do each day.  Let's face it, you comb your hair, you brush your teeth, usually in front of a mirror.  But do you ever really LOOK in the mirror?  I did.  Then I cried.  I did not recognize the face that looked back at me in the mirror.

This has been the case for a quite a while.  I wrote that paragraph probably 8 months ago.   Fast forward to June 2018.

 I have lots of reasons and lots of excuses.  But the biggest thing is as a parent, I have let my care for everyone else take precedence over the care of myself.  The result, I have put on quite a bit of weight.

Recently a friend overheard someone talking about me and about our daughter.   Over the recent years this person has said many hateful and horrible things about our daughter, but this time her self-hatred (more about this later) turned towards me.

The words,

"Did you see how fat she is?" 

Those words were spoken about me.  They were spoken about me in anger and in hate.  They were spoken by a person that honestly, I guess it doesn't surprise me.  A series of emotions went through my head.  First, I said I didn't care.  Second, I got worried that my family might be embarrassed by the way I look.   Third,  I was REALLY HURT.  Fourth, I got mad.   Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to give this person credit for opening my eyes.   I have known this for a very long time.  ''

Here is a little history.

Two years ago our daughter got very, VERY sick.  She lost 40-45 pounds, I gained it.  There is nothing worse in the world than watching a child suffer.  I would sit on the floor and watch her sleep on the sofa.  She didn't sleep in her bed because she couldn't make it up the stairs.  When she would get up in the morning, I would have to help her up off the sofa because she couldn't get up.

I quit exercising and I turned to food for comfort.   Our daughter got better after a very long battle and a LOT of medical bills.  That process added more stress to our lives.   All was well, I lost some of the weight and then this winter?  She got sick again.  Same thing all over again.  It wasn't as hard this time because we knew what we were dealing with (sort of -but that is another story).   We had trips to the emergency room because she passed out, a ton of tests and we went through it all again.

The point of this story is not about the hate,  not about the sickness, it is about me.  It is about being worthy.   I am a BELOVED CHILD OF GOD.   My family loves and supports me regardless of where I am physically at.   We are not divorced.   We are not separated.   What and who you are is what matters.  So many Mothers out there do not care for themselves.  Does that make me a failure?   ABSOLUTELY NOT!   I am human.   I am flawed.   I sin.   I am forgiven.   I am WORTHY.

Tomorrow I start a new journey for ME.   It is for me first and then for my family.   I want to feel good.  I want to have energy.   I want to drop pounds.  I want to sleep well again.  I want to fit into my closet full of clothes.   I will do these things on my own.  I am not looking for gimmicks or shakes (full of horrible chemicals).  I will do this the old fashioned way.   Will I have setbacks?   Yes.   But they do not define me or my progress.

Back to the words.   They are just words.  They define her.  They do not define me.   I have prayed about this and I am sad that she has so much self-hatred that she feels the need to say something like that about someone that has only supported her and been kind to her over the years.   She is a bully and yes words hurt.   BUT.  I have the power over what those words mean to me.  They mean NOTHING.

I have been reading and praying and know what my path is for the future.   I will care for myself.   I will eat clean (80% of the time).   I will forgive myself.   I will improve myself daily.  This is my decision after a lot of self reflection since hearing those words spoken about me.  Even though the words came from a horrible place.  I am surrounded by LOVE.  My daughter bought me a My Intent bracelet (more about that later).   The words she chose for me?  I AM WORTHY.

Guess who is joining me on this journey?   My lovely daughter.   When I asked her why she said she wanted to support me.

I will be sharing my journey through this blog and appreciate any and all your comments, support and prayers.  This is not going to be easy.  But I have the love of Christ and my family to get me through it.

Tomorrow I start a juice cleanse.   I don't know how long this will go, but one step at a time.  If my story touches you in any way, I would love for you to share it.   I know there are a lot of Mom's out there like me.

YOU TOO ARE WORTHY.   I AM WORTHY.   HATEFUL WORDS DO NOT DEFINE ME OR YOU!

Read the Day 1 update HERE!
Day 2   Here

#THISISMYJOURNEY
#IAMWORTHY